tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36363332697077543382024-03-13T10:21:15.005-05:00A Journey Through Cancer & Alzheimer'sThis is our journey through cancer and Alzheimer's. Barb had a rare cancer and passed away March 1, 2012. She did not loose her fight with cancer, she won and laughed in its face till her last breath. She lived valiantly!. Bruce, her loving husband of 50 years and 5 months, has Alzheimer's. I am one of their children, Kurt, and I write this blog not only for them - but for you. Thank you for taking this journey with us and we hope you will feel free to leave comments and thoughts.ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.comBlogger141125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-72719552498573367742014-08-04T11:39:00.000-05:002014-08-04T11:39:19.412-05:00Making Memories: Part One<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Danskin Family</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sherriff Family</td></tr>
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Both of my parents grew up in the 'burbs of Boston. The lifestyle of the 40's and 50's were embraced by the community. Family was a primary focus and gatherings were important. Mom's family was small and distant and she wouldn't build those relationships until later years in life. Dad's family was amazingly close. Tons of photos are proof of the importance of these relationships and it is a value that Dad still carries and projects to this day. <br />
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After his mystery duty with the Navy, Dad returned to the Needham Fire Department where he excelled at his work. But the violence towards those in public service grew and the tension was too <br />
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much. They sought out new work and found a unique opportunity almost on the other side of the country. It could not have been an easy decision but Dad's family was confident that this new start was a positive one and they supported them as always.<br />
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In the early 70's, Mom and Dad packed there three kids in to a VW hatchback and hit the road. The destination? Glasgow, Montana. Dad was part of a brief reactivation of Glasgow Air Force Base. The base was reactivated as a SAC dispersal base from 1971-1976. Dad was part of the safety team that would secure the closing. <br />
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Let me tell you about Glasgow, Montana. We lived in housing on the air base. Montana - big sky country - but in Glasgow it was flat. Flat flat flat and cold. 1972 was historic in the weather books for Glasgow. on December 8, 1972 it was minus 35F with winds whipping around 36 mph. That led to a wind-chill factor it reached minus 59 below zero. We were locked in the house and we knew it was cold when Dad reached for the door knob on the inside of the house and his glove stuck to the frozen knob. I remember being scared for him as he left that day to do some work. When he came back, just 20 minutes later, his mustache and beard were doubled in size by icicles. We couldn't wait to get out of that area and would then head to Lewistown, the exact center of the state.<br />
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It's important hear to recall Dad's involvement with the fire department. When he wasn't working for a department he was volunteering. It was so ingrained in our minds that even to this day I double check to make sure the toaster is unplugged. But this didn't stop us from being kids. <br />
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It was a nice summer day in July and Dad was working. Mom was visiting with a friend next door and that friends' kids were joining all of us in the playhouse in our yard. Then we noticed our oldest brother head to the side of the house. For the next 45 minutes he and his friend worked diligently to fill the hose with gasoline. They were successful. And when they draped it in the yard and lit a match - well - that would be the end of his privileges for the next three months. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoMjWGksdLjhFgxNGKYWDGwjl00WfnUhYcbuAB5fiXOcA_yfSy9aeQLFGiTG79SErH_Yek9FZrlfBgHtOr9Ag26vZ5sHZxNQdbteQmbmQxNdRFw-LycolU2NhRtNpod3zWpei3udph0iA/s1600/f98002837.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoMjWGksdLjhFgxNGKYWDGwjl00WfnUhYcbuAB5fiXOcA_yfSy9aeQLFGiTG79SErH_Yek9FZrlfBgHtOr9Ag26vZ5sHZxNQdbteQmbmQxNdRFw-LycolU2NhRtNpod3zWpei3udph0iA/s1600/f98002837.jpg" height="177" width="200" /></a>These are stories we share with Dad. We had many adventures across the country (we would drive from Boston to Montana twice, once in 1971 and again in 1976) and we never regretted any of it. Mom and Dad ALWAYS made the best of whatever situation was presented them and Dad continues that even to this day. He accepts things he cannot change and always has. He thanks God for his blessings each day and patiently waits to be reunited with his love. <br />
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It's tough to tell if his memory loss is accelerating. From 2008 to 2010 we saw rapid loss and it seemed he was taking a nose dive in to Alzheimer's. There were moments of grace and now he seems to be on cruise control. Coasting along, oblivious to the reality that those around him are witness to, but comfortable and happy in his reality. And we know, and I've often shared, that when your loved on is in a state of dementia/memory loss, it is no longer about us or the reality in which we exist. We must work around their reality. We must affirm them where they are while we dance around to keep our reality balanced. The details of our life are no longer important and often just adds to the confusion in their mind. It can make them socially uncomfortable and it pushes their sense of self-worth farther into the abyss. We must be focused on them when we are in their midst whether physically or on the phone or in letters. We share stories and we make them smile and we affirm them as the important person they are. We love - simply - no strings attached - no agenda - we simply love them.<br />
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Don't ever stop making memories and don't ever stop taking photos. For we see the elderly as distant from us but we are not so far from being 'them', ourselves. So embrace every moment and embrace everyone.<br />
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<br />ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12243882777440206488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-14358997401214864002014-07-29T08:08:00.000-05:002014-07-29T08:08:55.666-05:00Back In the Saddle AgainThere is a saying that says "time heals all wounds" but i disagree. There might be a particular type of healing but it is not the healing that one so desperately seeks upon being wounded. Rather, what time does is makes things different. It is not easier. It is different. It is not all better. It is different. It is not all right. It is different.<br />
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Mom passed away two years ago and the wound is still very much open and very susceptible. True, the tears are not as frequent but they are still as painful, still full of raw emotion and can still be set off by the slightest thought, image or scent. I still long to hug her again and to talk with her.<br />
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Dad is doing remarkably well in his new setting. We did get him in to an assisted living facility that specializes in memory care. It is a small place, about 16 residents. The staff are absolutely wonderful and the program he is on is helpful just as long as their accounting team is on the ball.<br />
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Dad has a cost-share for his residents and medical needs and it is based on his income. Even though we supplied the company with both sources of his income, they neglected to include one of them in their figures. Fast-forward many months and we get a letter stating they neglected to include his retirement and decided that we were not being charged enough money. We suddenly had a bill of over $6000. So where was his retirement check going? Bills. Bills and more bills. Thank God they were there and I'm happy to report that his bills are all paid off - except this big one.<br />
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We started a fund raiser to help keep Dad where he is because we need to pay this off next month or risk him loosing his housing and assistance. The site for the fundraiser is <a href="http://www.gofundme.com/ahomeforbruce">www.gofundme.com/ahomeforbruce</a><br />
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We have reached out to his brothers and sisters in the fire fighting profession as well as the forest service. Several people have given but we have a long way to go. We are praying that people will have open hearts and pay it forward by giving to this needy cause.<br />
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So back to Dad. His health, besides his Alzheimer's, is very well. He walks and requires assistance when bathing but all other personal duties he still manages to take care of on his own and for that I'm truly thankful. Dad is still able to maintain a high level of dignity. He is always dressed properly and walks around with a big smile on his face. To speak with him for a few moments you would not know anything is slowing down but then you realize he lacks the ability to lead a conversation. One must always be ready with question and statements that he can respond to. He enjoys walking down the pathways of his youth and speaks with his brother at least once a week on the phone. Together they discuss childhood school chums, the house they grew up in, and the places they would sneak off to. Dad can still walk you through his childhood home including the exact address and where everything was in the house. Unfortunately he cannot so easily describe his current residence and gets confused between this place and the place he shared with Mom. Dad speaks often about "going downstairs" to see what's going on when, in fact, he lives on one level and activities take place down the hallway. He knows he is eating well but will never be able to tell you what he had even five minutes after eating it. The staff tells me his appetite is fine and that he enjoys his sweet treats. THAT will never change, I'm sure.<br />
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He speaks of Mom often on the phone with me. He stays he speaks with her and kisses her photo good morning and good night each day. Several photos adorn his room and we are constantly talking about her. He is beside himself when he learns she has been gone for over two years. He does not remember exactly what happened but he knows that she is waiting for him and that someday they will be forever together. Their love has not faded. You can hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. His love is not here but his love is still caring for him.<br />
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As the disease continues to progress I find myself torn, now living a distance away so that I can not see any progress (or decline) on a daily basis. Perhaps I do not need to see those signs but I feel lost not experiencing them. Dad loves the fact that I am where I am and that I'm continuing to pursue my dreams. A validation that I needed, although I am fully aware of how self-serving it is. Not sure why I need to be absolved of my absence but it is what it is and I wrestle with it daily.<br />
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I'm glad to start up this blog again the absence. Truth is, it was tiring me out. For those of you who have followed all this time I'm sure you can see how that can happen. Burn out, perhaps. It was a long journey but it has not ended yet so after some resting time I'm "back in the saddle". As always, thankful for those of you who read and support all of this. And a special thanks to those people who have helped, financially, with our fund raiser. Your generosity touches all of us deeply.<br />
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<br />ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12243882777440206488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-52834815254102447202013-07-22T15:31:00.002-05:002013-07-22T15:31:47.990-05:00Your Stage Time is Limited - Enjoy the Good NotesDad's caregivers at his home (we call it The Manor) are amazing people. They do tell me everything that happens but they also make sure I'm ready to receive the information. Sometimes they sit me down, other times they tell me in a nonchalant, 'by the way we got this' way. It all depends on how I'M doing and they are very keen to figure that out at every visit. Let's face it - there are times you don't want to know if your loved on is wetting the bed or refuses to shower, etc. Some information is not required in order to love them.<br />
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And that's where I'm struggling. I WANT to love my father as much as possible so I feel its important that I know everything that is happening. But the reality is - I don't need to know everything. I know everything that I NEED to know. Even as his Power of Attorney I need to understand that as long as I'm proactive and a participant in his care, I know what I need to know for today.<br />
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This week I'm taking a HUGE step. I am NOT going to a doctor's appointment with him. His nurse from The Manor is going with him. I have discussed any concerns with her and with his doctor beforehand and I feel OK about this - not totally - but I feel OK. As I said, its a huge step for ME. Dad will be fine. The nurse has an amazing personality and has traveled with Dad before. It's just a follow up exam, blood work and medication check.<br />
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This weekend was extremely difficult and I spent a few days considering whether or not this is information I need/want to share with people. At this point there is more and more information that I will NOT be sharing for two reasons. First, for Dad's privacy and respect. And second, because I know that people in Dad's life would rather remember him the way he was. Although I do not fully understand that, I respect it. For me, there's no question of being there all along the journey even through the shadows of the darkness. But I understand how people would not want to be there and would rather sit at the porthole waving and encouraging him as he enters.<br />
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This past week, for reasons we will never know, Dad went through two of his photo albums and two photos on his wall, and cut them up and threw them away. There were over 100 photos, easily. Gone. They showed me his garbage bag. I cried a bit. Then Dad and I talked about it and he had no explanation but seemed upset to learn that he had done this. I immediately realized I should not have brought it up to him. There are things that happen that we simply MUST let go of. It makes absolutely no sense to bring it up. It's like teaching a cat to sing. I assured him things were fine and simply asked him to let me know if there is anything in his room that he wants removed or that he would like added to it. He liked that idea. My partner is going to try and digitally repair the photos and fortunately most of them are in digital format already. We also removed the scissors from his room. We're not sure how they got there to begin with but that's another great mystery in a group home setting like The Manor. Sometimes things disappear and other times things magically appear.<br />
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Dad loves looking at photos with me. I use my iPad and, thanks greatly to my Uncle Keith (Dad's brother), I have a lot of photos of his youth and extended family to show him. He loves people and places and even the most insignificant photo can bring him joy IF he can connect it to a positive memory. We look at them every time I go over to see him. We spend about 30 minutes looking at photos and then about an hour or so playing Rummy (which, by the way, he still kicks my butt in! The score yesterday: Dad 355...me....65). <br />
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There are four things I say every time I visit my father.<br />
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<em style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: arial, verdana, tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">“I love you.”</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: arial, verdana, tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: arial, verdana, tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></div>
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<em style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: arial, verdana, tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">“Don’t worry, I have everything under control.”</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: arial, verdana, tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> </span></div>
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<em style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: arial, verdana, tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br /></em></div>
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<em style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: arial, verdana, tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">“You are safe.”</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: arial, verdana, tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"> </span></div>
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<em style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: arial, verdana, tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br /></em></div>
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<em style="background-color: white; color: #555555; font-family: arial, verdana, tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">“I’ll take care of it for you.”</em></div>
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Each time I hug my father good-bye he thanks me for being there. You see - it doesn't always matter why something happened and it doesn't always need "to be fixed". I teach voice lessons and when I speak to my students about mistakes I remind them that mistakes are done and you must move on. No amount of explaining or rolling of eyes or self-loathing can fix it. It happened - move on. The time on the stage is limited and you gotta enjoy all the good notes. So it is with life - enjoy the good notes. As for me - I'm still trying perfect my Rummy skills!<br />
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<br />ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12243882777440206488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-54396411356053064272013-04-26T16:10:00.003-05:002013-04-26T16:10:59.074-05:00The Day the Phone Was Attacked<br />
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Remember the coffee maker story? We went through three of them in one month
with Dad. Well today we say farewell to
his cell phone. Here’s how it went down.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Dad must have dropped the phone or ‘something’ happened and
he figured it was broken. But he took it
a few steps further this time which is a little puzzling and, well,
frustrating. It appears he attempted to
rip the phone up like he does all of his mail after reading it. Into little tiny shreds of paper, and then
places, doesn't toss it, but places it in to the garbage. Then he wraps it in a bunch of toilet paper
and hides it at the bottom of his trash bin.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Later that day Dad told a caregiver he can’t find his phone
so they helped him look for it. No luck
so they told him that they will let me know.
Meanwhile, Dad hands her the trash like he does every day and they take
it for him. She takes it down stairs
and they go through it and they find his phone.
But no battery or back of the phone.
Just the phone, in two pieces, just like you see in the picture. *Heavy sigh*<o:p></o:p></div>
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I will order Dad a land line phone in his room and start the
hunt for an old fashioned, corded, slim line telephone. If he destroys that then I believe we’ll
resort to smoke signals and telegraphs.<o:p></o:p></div>
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On an interesting note, Dad has no idea that he even had a
phone and no clue how he talks with people.
He doesn't recall getting visits from me every day or phone calls from
family. It’s absolutely heart breaking because on the outside, and in his tone
of voice, everything is normal. There’s nothing wrong. And again I’m reminded, “his reality not ours”. It’s about what is happening this very
moment. What happened five minutes ago
or five months ago doesn't matter. What
the future hold is not important – it’s right this very moment. Talking with family, with friends and
caregivers. That’s important. Those
small moments that never seem to matter to us until now. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Don’t take the next five minutes for granted. They will never occur again – ever. Do as much as you can with right now in spite
of the world around you, your circumstances, your demons, or your worries. It’s about right now. Now go –--------------- live.<o:p></o:p></div>
ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-55557402053257194932013-04-16T11:41:00.003-05:002013-04-16T11:47:54.004-05:00Finding Home<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Corner of Dad's new room</td></tr>
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Where do you feel most 'at home'? For the patient with dementia, that can be a difficult question to answer. Although surroundings may be somewhat familiar, finding one's way around the familiar can suddenly become UNfamiliar. They will often start by commenting before they go somewhere such as, "well, I guess the bathroom is down this way so I'll make my way down there for a moment". Then it progresses to double-checking. "the bathroom is down the hall, right?" Signs may seem like the logical thing to put around but to many patients it feels elementary. Why put a sign that the bathroom is to the left when I know where the bathroom is. They do not realize that the reason they know its there is because the sign is working. But they take the sign down, and then wander around the home, trying to act like they are just 'walking around' when, in reality, they are trying to get their bearings - trying to figure out where they are and where things are. <br />
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My father had a rough day on moving day. Our family had already moved everything in to his new place. I set it up and decorated it, made it look like he lived there for awhile, hoping the familiar would bring him some comfort. On the drive from rehab to the assisted living, about 20 minutes, he was convinced we were moving to Florida. He reminded me that we needed to get his ID changed and to alert everyone of the address change. He said he didn't need his winter jacket anymore and he was looking forward to the warmth. I felt I was letting him down. I let him talk like that for awhile but to be honest, it began to bother me and grate on my nerves. I told him we're not moving to Florida right now. He was surprised. Disappointed. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another corner of Dads new room</td></tr>
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We got to the new place, Luther Manor, and he was greeted with many warm smiles and a few hugs from residents and the nursing/care-giving staff. We went to his room and he recognized, immediately, his desk from when he was a child. The door to his bathroom was a mystery to him. Every couple of minutes he would open the door and proclaim, "oh, there's my bathroom. It's nice and big". He would close the door, look around for a few minutes, then notice the door again and repeat. I have to be honest - it bothered me. Not in a, "oh what's happening to my father" way but honestly in a, "really? again?" way. That's normal human response. It can get irritating at times BUT the key is to NEVER show it - NEVER let the patient sense you feel that way. I decided we, or rather <u><b>I</b></u>, needed to walk so we walked around and saw the rooms. I left Dad there close to dinner time but he asked me, "am I staying here tonight?" I said, "yes Dad. This is going to be home for awhile now for you." He hugged me tightly and said, "thank you for all you do for me. I'm glad you're here". </div>
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My father is a kind man. He is ready with a smile and loves to talk. In the coming days I would learn that Dad did not spend much time in his room but rather would sit in one of the two living rooms or the dining room area and talk. He would talk with anyone who would listen to him. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Terri and Dad, April 2013</td></tr>
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The last report from Dad was that he really liked the place. I'm worried when the weather gets better how he will feel about the place being locked and that he needs to be supervised when going for a walk. The staff assures me they will accommodate him but I'm not sure they realize how much Dad loves to walk. Perhaps the grace in this scenario is that Dad's legs tire easily now, his knees get weak and he walks very slowly. From behind you would think you were watching a 95 year old man shuffle from here to there. He believes he has no problem walking and that he walks at a normal pace. When he is asked to pick his feet up when he walks he does for about four steps then returns to shuffling. I'm guessing it feels safer to shuffle, more stable, and allows him to feel that he's more in control. </div>
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He talks with his brother almost everyday on the phone. He loves those phone calls. His heart smiles when they talk about the old days and how each other is doing now. Dad talks about how he is almost the elder of 'the clan' (his Aunt Barbara has him beat, still going strong in her 90's!). Dad is ok where he is. I'm relieved and my heart feels peace knowing he is safe, surrounded by great people, and has a smile on his face and his cup of coffee in his hand!</div>
ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-68566313350001266772013-04-11T20:25:00.000-05:002013-04-11T20:25:16.258-05:00A Long Overdo Update<br />
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It was exactly one month ago today that Dad had a fainting/dizzy episode that landed him in the hospital for five days, and then rehab for almost four weeks (one year to the day of Mom's memorial service, too). The conclusion: Dad's blood pressure drops quickly and randomly and he experiences moments of great fatigue and weakness. This is one of the many unfortunate side effects of advanced dementia In rehab he was fairly successful in learning how to use the walker however, the concept of 'having' to use it is one he continues to fight. I tell him daily that he needs to have it on walks outside of his room because it will help prevent a fall. I also remind him that another fall could seriously put him in the hospital for a very long time. I hope we can continue to reinforce the concept of the walker whenever he leaves his room. I tell him its for safety - not that he's old - but just for safety. </div>
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The nurses and staff at Heritage Village have been outstanding. Today some of the nurses and staff expressed sadness in sending Dad home but joy that he is able to leave. They have enjoyed his kindness and smile and he's a pretty low-maintenance patient. </div>
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Much paperwork has passed between my hands and others as we ready for his transfer to assisted living. He seems to be OK with this next step and I'm confident that we used enough of his personal items to furnish his room, that he will feel he's in a familiar environment. I spoke in length with his Doctor on the phone and then went to his office to sign papers and arrange to get Dad a Medic Alert bracelet that states 'dementia patient' and 'DNR (do not resuscitate). That was Dad's wish before he was declared incompetent by physicians and my role as activated power of attorney for healthcare is to carry that out. The paperwork is on file at the doctors' office as well as the assisted living facility and the local hospitals. Dad signed them during his time of competence several years ago and I have updated and confirmed his wishes with my signature. I am completely confident that the medical staff and care givers around him are properly updated on his situation and that the paperwork is up to date, proper, and most importantly, down to the letter as far as Dad's wishes are concerned. </div>
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Dad's memory right now is not good. He still remembers distant memories but even those are slowly fading. He remembers Mom and the three kids. He says he still talks to Mom every day and in his new place there are pictures of them all over the place. </div>
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My conversations with him are trying and tiring but I maintain a smile and pretend that whatever we talk about is brand new information - because for him, it is. The conversations usually make a full circle right now about every ten minutes. It's hard, I'll be honest with you all. I get emotionally tired but I hear his voice and watch his eyes and he truly believes he is saying things for the first time. So we go with that. He deserves the utmost of respect and it would not be respectful to call him on it or become irritated. I watch my tone of voice and body language very carefully. Any hint of negative reaction from listeners may result in him shutting down and not talking. We absolutely don't want that to happen.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dad enjoys another card!</td></tr>
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He still loves the cards and letters. My dear friend Sher has been sending him about a card a day with different photographs of nature and wildlife. He adores them although each time I introduce him to her when a card arrives. We will place all these cards in a photo album that he can go through a lot. He loves looking at them and the cards of everyone else. Uncle Keith sends him photos with small stories on them. He adores those and they are all hung on a bulletin board for him right now. something we will arrange at his new place very soon. Thank you again for sending him a card and/or letter. If you do not have his current address please let me know and I'm happy to email it to you. When it comes time for you to think to yourself, "I've sent him enough he's probably tired of getting them" remember this: every single day is an absolutely new day for Dad. He has absolutely no recollection of the events of yesterday or the past few months. He is not sure if he's been where he is for one day or one year - the important thing to remember is this: today is the most important day for Dad. your participation in his day means the world to him.</div>
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There are four levels of care in the place he's going. He is on level one right now. Required is assistance while bathing and supervised walks outside. He will have a shower time twice a week but won't have someone actually bathing him. They will putter around his room and bathroom while he bathes in case he needs assistance. The nurse in charge will work with me the first week to make sure I'm up to date on the procedures and safety protocols of showering and bathing and then, once passed, they will allow me to be the person to be nearby. Hopefully that will make Dad much more comfortable with showering. Better a trusted family member than a stranger-nurse in the room! </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A well -deserved dish of ice cream!</td></tr>
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He will eat in the dining room which is set up much like a regular dining room with about 8 nice, wooden, round dining tables. They said they will seat him at a table with the other man who is there. dad will make the second guy, surrounded by 14 women! He will be in heaven, for sure. They make homemade meals there everyday, nothing ordered out or brought in by a 'factory'. Dad will still be able to get his coffee in the morning and his beloved bowl of ice cream in the afternoon (some battles are no longer battles when you get to this stage in life!).</div>
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Outings will be limited for Dad in the beginning. He has not done well on outings for actually a few months. He gets very confused when we return to home, not knowing if he's been gone a few hours or a few days/weeks. i will keep up with daily visits for a few weeks and then, for both his benefit and my emotional health, I will dwindle the visits to every other day. He still remembers how to dial my phone number on his cell phone and I am only 15-20 minutes away from his place. </div>
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As this disease continues to rob Dad of his memory, we anticipate down the road that Dad will begin loosing some of his abilities to care for himself and, eventually, he will begin loosing muscle and motor controls and function. They are prepared for multiple levels of care at Luther Manor. When the time comes they also contract with Horizon Hospice, the same hospice that was so gracious with us while Mom made the transition from this life to life eternal. Horizon agrees to come to Luther Manor so we do not need to bring Dad to the hospice. Of course, depending on the situation and circumstances at the time, our decision will be appropriate. Meanwhile he is in good hands. Terri has seen the place and approves. Her daughter Nikki has worked in assisted living facilities and agrees that this is one of the best around. She said she would love to work in a place like Luther Manor and that if she ever had to go in a home like this, this is where she would like to be. The small, intimate nature of Luther Manor at River Oaks (the full name of the place) seems to fit Dad perfectly.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kurt and Dad, fire department<br />tour, April 2013</td></tr>
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This is not the end of Dad's story by any stretch. Each new day will continue to bring challenges and rewards. Last weeks' adventure at the local fire station will be re-visited many times over and next week a large editorial will appear in the local paper highlighting Dad's life achievements and the special way a local fire department decided to honor him. I'm so proud of him. He continues to make people around him smile. Everyone adores him - he is kind, generous, and still opens doors for the ladies and says thank you and please all the time. He is the perfect gentleman and he makes friends very quickly.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dad on a fire truck ride!</td></tr>
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Before I close I will share a funny story with you all. some have read this before but its so cute it needs repeating. A few days ago I was putting things together in Dad's new place and one elderly lady asked if the new guy is good looking. I told her I look like him but add about 30 years. She looked me up and down and said, "you'll do in a pinch!"...a second lady close by took my hand and said, "we don't care about his looks, how's his 401K and his pension plan!" TRUE STORY. Oh yeah - we'll have to keep our eyes on these ladies for sure! </div>
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As always, peace, love and prayers to you all...</div>
ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12243882777440206488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-82985655118315959892013-02-04T21:46:00.002-06:002013-02-07T13:08:04.046-06:00Decisions Are Hard to Make<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Dad celebrated his 72nd birthday this year. I took him to lunch at a local diner and he had his BLT. The waitress put a candle in his sandwich. He got a kick out of that, as you can tell with the smile that's on his face.<br />
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The place he lives had a Tea Party that same afternoon so Dad attended and had a great time visiting with neighbors and, of course, eating snack food. Here he is being the ladies-man! He sure does attract the ladies where he lives. Dad reports that he doesn't really get involved in all the activities of the place but I know better. The ladies make sure I know exactly what Dad has been up to every day I walk through the front door. In fact, if no one is in the front lobby or community room to give me my 'dad update', I feel like I'm suddenly missing out on something.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgte8U3ri4W3W6izg9LmtthDA7ZiW_ngYYZkF-hULEme9hXq3RyDNA9Tgvu3C31_fncC4MDqPRXzp8Mfj-GdypixeXBRoHYmeUk9ijzsA059bnIy2MHds0jvMb1vDjHcqXxiZ3yAvT6Kb-m/s1600/IMG_2004%255B1%255D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgte8U3ri4W3W6izg9LmtthDA7ZiW_ngYYZkF-hULEme9hXq3RyDNA9Tgvu3C31_fncC4MDqPRXzp8Mfj-GdypixeXBRoHYmeUk9ijzsA059bnIy2MHds0jvMb1vDjHcqXxiZ3yAvT6Kb-m/s200/IMG_2004%255B1%255D.JPG" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The wrist button.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivtzW64UOtMWXatSe7NRKKPZHdskJ5an_9FcIyER2GCZ3sCUzkt9RO1KZkjt5Zplt3c_ggMqprGpbHkv9r4QV4BJPcQsZHvujDM7HsBEyahgvbRQdsMgin2Ihr_yUh0QxfdzsaqsndYir7/s1600/IMG_2005%255B1%255D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivtzW64UOtMWXatSe7NRKKPZHdskJ5an_9FcIyER2GCZ3sCUzkt9RO1KZkjt5Zplt3c_ggMqprGpbHkv9r4QV4BJPcQsZHvujDM7HsBEyahgvbRQdsMgin2Ihr_yUh0QxfdzsaqsndYir7/s200/IMG_2005%255B1%255D.JPG" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The receiver - we tested it <br />
and you can even hear<br />
Dad if he's in the bathroom <br />
with the fan and<br />
water running, <br />
and the door closed!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Today we got Dad set up with the "I've fallen and I can't get up" button. It is an emergency call button he wears on his wrist. If he has an emergency he presses it and within 45 seconds an operator comes on over a large receiver on his counter and asks him if he is OK If he is not, or they hear no response, they will call 911 and me. I feel a lot safer knowing he has that but he's not sure. He called me a few times already asking me questions about the button. I hope he wears it at night like he's supposed to but something tells me this may be an issue.<br />
<br />
Napoleon Bonaparte once said that, "nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide". Decisions are tough and when we are faced with having to make difficult ones we often avoid making them. In my case I just wish someone would make it for me. But then I'll probably fight them on it and nothing will ever get resolved. When I am tempted to wait for people to make the decision for me I am reminded of an ancient Chinese proverb that says, "a wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows public opinion". When it comes time for us, as children, to make important decisions for our parents, it is especially tough and no one knows what it feels like until they are in that position. Proverbs reminds us that when making decisions, to "...stay away from fools". But there's always the question, "Am I the fool?"<br />
<br />
There are two fears associated with decision-making. <br />
<br />
1) Afraid we will make the wrong decision and<br />
<br />
2) Afraid of backlash from people who may fail to support you<br />
<br />
<br />
It is becoming more and more apparent to me that Dad should not be living alone. Although he has the fellowship of neighbors, once the door to his apartment is closed, he is alone. He has very little concept of space and time. He can not remember what he was just doing a few moments ago and I'm afraid that anyone could knock on his door and take advantage of him. Again, the building is very secured and he keeps his door locked at all times but this is still a scenario that plays out in my head often. In fact, there are scenarios playing out in my head a lot of times that aren't good. After the revelation recently that I need to be present when Dad is showering, it seems the decision is, indeed, being made for me.<br />
<br />
The assisted living facilities I have located are not taking new residents at this time. There is a waiting list and currently the wait list is about 6 months long. There is a two-bedroom unit opening up next month in Dad's building and a new tenant would prefer a one-bedroom. Again, perhaps this decision is being made for me. <br />
<br />
The loss of independence is tough on the elderly. It's tough on any of us and as a caregiver/son, it seems I am surrendering more and more of my independence to care for my father. It won't be forever and I need to remember that. At tops it would mean 6-8 months until I can get him in to an assisted living facility.<br />
<br />
One last quote. Perhaps you have this in a frame or under a magnet on your refrigerator door. But there is much truth to this saying: The Will of God will never lead you, where His Grace cannot keep you. I am trusting that God is moving things around and positioning them to allow me to make the important decisions with clarity of mind and sight.<br />
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<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-48599518012682539892013-01-09T22:12:00.000-06:002013-02-07T13:08:04.040-06:00Changes<br />
When I stepped into dads apartment my nose immediately told me something was not right. Dad was in his chair and I told him to just stay seated. I put my medical bag down, took of my jacket and scarf and looked at the stove. Nothing was on the stove. Oven was off. I peeked inside the microwave disguising my investigating with, "how do you like the microwave oven?" He said it does the job. The microwave was clean. Then my brain started thumbing through the thousands of smells stored in my memory banks. It was urine. My heart skipped a beat. I went to his room, saying, "going I to your room to say hi to mom" (the urn is in there with a photo Robb created for her memorial service card). I pulled back the blankets...clean. Checked the pillow...clean. Checked his dirty laundry...nothing soiled. Then I walked into the bathroom and it hit me as my shoe suddenly made that just-walked-in-something-sticky noise. It was then that I realized I had been holding my breath. I took a breath in...the floor was covered in urine. I cleaned it up.<br />
<br />
I sat on the couch as I usually do and I asked the tough question.<br />
<br />
Dad, I don't mean to get real personal but I need to ask you if you think you may have some problems when standing up to urinate.<br />
<br />
"Not that I know of," he responded.<br />
<br />
"I wonder if it would be best for you for now on to sit when you urinate instead of standing. There seems to be a fair amount of urine on the bathroom floor so I'm guessing our aim isn't as good as it was when you were younger"<br />
<br />
He agreed. But I know that getting him to do that new habit will be difficult. I've added daily washing of the toilet and floor instead of weekly, to my growing list of duties.<br />
<br />
I always have dads feelings of self-worth in the forefront of my mind when talking with him and making decisions for him. I don't ever want him to feel like I'm treating him like a child.<br />
<br />
I did my usual tasks...checked his feet. The skin issues on his arms and head. Took his blood pressure and blood sugars. All is well.<br />
<br />
I then met briefly with Sue. Sue is the nurse practitioner now a part of the team that is caring for dad. We talked for a bit. I re-iterated to her that no one comes to visit dad without going through me or my sister. The door buzzer does not work to his apartment so he has no way to buzz anyone in. Also the office staff knows if anyone comes for dads they offer them a seat in the lobby and call me. She applauded that safety feature and thought it was a great idea. I was relieved she thought that way. I didn't need her to think, "here we go with an over-controlling caregiver". The whole team knows that I am a part of the team and if this program is to succeed for dad, it must have boundaries and expectations. They appreciate that attitude as usually they are left to do it themselves. They don't always know what's best for the individual.<br />
<br />
So far in the team is Dagmar (social worker), Sue and Joan, (nurses), and myself. We will be adding a new doctor, podiatrist, optometrist, dietitian, and dermatologist in the next two weeks. This team is a part of what is called Community Care. It's a county program funded through Medicare. It costs me $160 a month but so far it's worth it.<br />
<br />
Sue did an evaluation of dad. Her vitals matched mine (which is always nice to hear!). She gave dad a few oral tests. I'll get her written evaluation on Tuesday. The test support what the rest of the team knows:<br />
...dads short term memory capabilities are pretty much gone<br />
...He's happy and feels good and<br />
...he feels that his memory is as good as anyone else his age<br />
...although he missed mom, he's not in a hurry to be with her<br />
<br />
We she asked who in his life he has that he can trust and turn to for problems, he immediately said, "Kurt and Robb and my daughter, Terri, if she's available".<br />
<br />
After the nurse left I reviewed a new process we are trying. Dad needs to be increasing his water consumption. He drinks coffee but fails to remember that coffee actually dehydrated the body and that it doesn't count as water even though it has water in it. So I made a two-column list. One says coffee the other says water. I have a smiley face stamper next to the list. Every time he has a cup of either, to put a smiley stamp in the correct column. This way I can track his drinking. As I have been trying for a few months now to get him to drink more water, I decided on a slight scare tactic. First don't panic...because I think it worked. I told dad that if he doesn't drink between 4 and six large cups of water a day that he may get to a point that he needs to be hospitalized and possibly a nursing facility until he can get hydrated. That seemed to do the trick.<br />
<br />
The goal of the team is to keep dad in his home and sometimes we need to remind him that is why we take these steps to get him to make positive steps for his own health.<br />
<br />
Now another issue arose today. This one caught me off guard and I told the nurse about it today. Everyday I monitor his towels, soaps, the shower and dirty towels to make sure he is showering. All signs showed that he is accept lately his skin has been excessively dry and body odor has started to be an issue in the last week or so. Dad said today that he wipes down with a wet cloth daily but has not showered for over a month. He said he just didn't want to. We talked about if the shower makes him nervous or if there is anything about it that he doesn't like. He said no. Tomorrow I will talk with him about it and see if I can get him to agree to shower twice a week if I am in the other room in case he needs help. We will also have the talk about now he feels if he needs help in the shower and how he feels about me doing that for him. Sometimes that brings a new level of trust and bonding between patient and caregiver. When they are father and son it can either be devastating to the patient or rewarding. We will soon find out which one applies to us. <br />
<br />
Good news came today that the administration of community care will approve compensation for me for caring for dad. Caring for dad takes about 25-30 hours a week. I will get compensated now. Basically either we would have someone come in and do what I'm doing but only three times a week...or they pay me an hourly wage for doing it. It's a good deal! It will relieve a lot of financial burden.<br />
<br />
What's next? We will keep looking at assisted living facilities and hopefully find one that is well suited for dad and that he likes. Then we will fill out the application and go from there.<br />
<br />
Dad is happy and healthy. He loves cards and recently received two from people he worked with in Florida at the forest service. He walked downstairs and showed a group of ladies playing puzzles. Want to make a guys day? Send him a card...a funny one...he loves them!<br />
<br />ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-48453083000007936842012-12-18T17:34:00.003-06:002013-02-07T13:08:04.038-06:00Foot Care Day<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLvyIo8nRMwrGRcaMpbGE_X4-72nmj9YKLtjpQLGH-w35GD6LDguzllw2LQQjewcV4xpZeWV2RRua7YDImVPu6YcU_qra1Y9ZtfY3Mw7MHPVuXuZ-HFIlP91DG6i7LbQXXXahSujgjTRg/s1600/snow+out+dads+window+2012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLvyIo8nRMwrGRcaMpbGE_X4-72nmj9YKLtjpQLGH-w35GD6LDguzllw2LQQjewcV4xpZeWV2RRua7YDImVPu6YcU_qra1Y9ZtfY3Mw7MHPVuXuZ-HFIlP91DG6i7LbQXXXahSujgjTRg/s200/snow+out+dads+window+2012.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Scene outside Dad's window. He sits in<br />
his chair and this is what he gets to see.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Today was the first big snow fall of the winter. And wow were the flakes HUGE! As I walked in to the place Dad lives I was greeted by several of the ladies who talked about how Dad is such a wonderful part of the exercise group! They go upstairs to get him and walk him down to the community room. Dad puts out the chairs in a circle and does the exercises with them. Then he helps clean up when they are done.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtvDC_XCVZkRJNRZLUhANdma6Sh-8EU5x9EoUScKmaIjD4OFj4pKPpQb7IJlZh1ozqG2Uoqn2SJ0X4nZDtd3gSLCzPsaZ4X5w8uO4qaxHHNuy1o615POueQLB1GaCw2v4I7q7uThPh6zQ/s1600/dads+foot+care+december+2012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtvDC_XCVZkRJNRZLUhANdma6Sh-8EU5x9EoUScKmaIjD4OFj4pKPpQb7IJlZh1ozqG2Uoqn2SJ0X4nZDtd3gSLCzPsaZ4X5w8uO4qaxHHNuy1o615POueQLB1GaCw2v4I7q7uThPh6zQ/s200/dads+foot+care+december+2012.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Foot Care day for Dad</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We followed up with Dad's foot care today. Another day of soaking and caring for them. This time he let me help him cut the nails which is something he didn't want me to do but then he realized he was having difficulty reaching down that far. He said, "wow - I'm shrinking but my feet keep getting farther and farther away!". Gotta love his humor.<br />
<br />
As the winter closes in I need to be extra diligent in making sure he has a supply of food and toiletries. I have been pretty good at stock-piling dry goods for him. There may be days at a time when I'm just not able to get to him. Interestingly enough there are really only two ways to get to Dad's from here and that's assuming they have plowed our little private road we have to drive down to get out of our place. Then I have to navigate two really steep hills and some days it just might not be possible. VERY thankful for the people in his community AND especially the amazing lady who is the manager there - Jill. Jill if you are reading this - I agree with what that lady said. Your mom would be very proud of all that you do for others.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDbDXMZAXussdOnWpwMMxkQeZv_P8QKItvytO38qNgEdtvrRwZiCcm3rQdYfgFsVL_O_bA-wYvWGTgSVPPfHWAJljt1YpnnQZiY2vsQMOnRDapbm_tIeLZe-3zqELzaPEiUpwxkSPHo-A/s1600/Mom's+urn+december+2012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDbDXMZAXussdOnWpwMMxkQeZv_P8QKItvytO38qNgEdtvrRwZiCcm3rQdYfgFsVL_O_bA-wYvWGTgSVPPfHWAJljt1YpnnQZiY2vsQMOnRDapbm_tIeLZe-3zqELzaPEiUpwxkSPHo-A/s200/Mom's+urn+december+2012.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom's Urn on the same table with<br />
her favorite stuffed animals!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Speaking of Mom, she is never far away in our hearts, that's for sure. Each morning and night Dad wraps both hands around Mom's urn and tells her how much he loves her and misses her. He kisses her picture which is next to his bedside every night as well. Their love has always been an incredible story and continues to be even today.<br />
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<br />ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12243882777440206488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-70874831110423044662012-12-16T20:06:00.002-06:002013-02-07T13:08:04.044-06:00A "Little" Housework<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkwYUO4TdFy8SmIVtFVl30l5ugiX1S9UqbAMSsavlDswqpYV4ojAI0o9oT0r51SCr4dSbfJNL56cFPQidZes402RU-nUFqh_U4MXE20Te1trOVm7G6O-WG99Pd2gmKwtano8BWVquJxVw/s1600/solitaire+one.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkwYUO4TdFy8SmIVtFVl30l5ugiX1S9UqbAMSsavlDswqpYV4ojAI0o9oT0r51SCr4dSbfJNL56cFPQidZes402RU-nUFqh_U4MXE20Te1trOVm7G6O-WG99Pd2gmKwtano8BWVquJxVw/s200/solitaire+one.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
A visit with Dad today found him once again sitting in his usual chair with the laptop on his lap. He was playing solitaire. He enjoys the game and will spend several hours a day playing that and a few others. Any attempt to teach him new ones is pointless at this time. He isn't interested in anything else but his games. That's not a bad thing right now - at least he still remembers how to start and stop the computer and play his games.<br />
<br />
We talked for awhile and then I took his vitals. I bring over a red medical kit with me everyday now. I take his blood pressure and check his blood sugars three times a week. A routine check of his feet showed excessive drying and some cracking so we spent time soaking his feet and working on them. Then we covered them in bag-balm and stuck socks on them for awhile. Tomorrow we'll soak them again and then get in to a daily routine of checking them and making sure we keep a fine line between dry yet moist enough. That can be a battle for most of us. I'll call the nail clipper person this week and make an appointment for them to stop by Dad's and clip his nails for him. He can reach them but he doesn't clip them. I'll let a professional do that although I'm fully capable - some things you just want to leave to the professionals.<br />
<br />
A shopping trip two weeks ago brought him, among other things, a dozen hamburger patties. He typically eats one a week if we're lucky. Today they are no where to be found. He didn't eat them. They just disappeared. I'm assuming he didn't know what they were and just tossed them out. I am now committing to being at Dad's for a meal so I can make sure he's eating more than sandwiches. The home delivered meals was a complete bust but he'll have a harder time saying no to me when I'm cooking it for him and sitting there eating it with him.<br />
<br />
The reality is setting in: Dad will not be able to live independently much longer. I am now taking care of two households and that will break me after a while. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, bill paying, health needs, medications...the list goes on. I feel like a doctor when I go over to his house, checking everything from his feet to the top of his head (but leaving personal areas to the doctor, of course!). You might recall Dad had some skin cancer removed from his face and back two years ago. So we need to keep up with that at least weekly.<br />
<br />
In an ideal world my father would be living with me right now. Working out the details to that is actually pretty tricky but we will find a way.<br />
<br />
We talked about the horrible tragedy in Newtown, CT today. He was heart-broken, as we all are. He just couldn't understand it. He said, "Well, maybe Mom is part of the welcoming committee up there and helping them to feel welcome". <br />
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<br />ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12243882777440206488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-64226545524525091002012-11-18T12:56:00.002-06:002013-02-07T13:08:04.042-06:00A Visit to A.L. Facility #1Dad's official diagnosis of Alzheimer's included a recommendation for assisted living. Dad does pretty well where he is but here's what haunts me on a daily basis: there is no warning system that tells me in advance that Dad will suddenly forget where he is, or that he'll fall, or some other issue. We did receive notice that Dad qualifies for a program called Family Care that will help pay the incredibly high costs of assisted living (typically between 4000 and 8000 a month!). <br />
<br />
First things first...I don't want to do this. I want Dad to stay where he is or come live with me but I'm not sure those are the BEST options for him. I need to step out of what I want and keep focusing on Dad's needs - his safety, his health, his qualify of life, his sense of belonging and self-worth. I need to focus on giving Dad as many opportunities to find a place in this world. Until March 1 of this year Dad was a husband. Now that identity no longer applies to him. After 50 years that has to be an amazingly difficult transition to make. He has been a strong father but in recent years his ability to remain strong for his kids is limited due to this disease. There are many things about Dad that have not changed and the strongest of those is his heart and his love for his family. THAT is what I need to focus on while helping Dad to cross the bridge to this next path along his life journey.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday I had a wonderful visit with Judi from The Lighthouse
of Mequon, an assisted living for Alzheimer’s and Dementia patients. The first thing that impressed me occurred when
I walked in the door. Most of the 16 or
so residents were in the community area being social. The smell of homemade food was in the air and
the place was amazingly clean. The first
question that came to my mind was, “did they prepare for my arrival?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We talked in depth about Dad, sharing his life story with
her and another staff member before we toured.
She shared with me the philosophy of the home and I was impressed to say
the least. They focus on making sure each
resident maintains a purpose. That’s the
first time I've heard that statement and I liked it. Here is an excerpt from their Foundational Belief Statement:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">All seniors deserve attentive, personalized respectful care that enables them to live with purpose and age with dignity.</em></strong></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"></em></strong>...we believe all of our residents really want from us:</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<ul style="color: #1e3e61; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15.333333015441895px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 12px 20px;">
<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">To Understand Me</strong></li>
</ul>
<ul style="color: #1e3e61; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15.333333015441895px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 12px 20px;">
<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">To Protect Me</strong></li>
</ul>
<ul style="color: #1e3e61; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15.333333015441895px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 12px 20px;">
<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">To Include Me</strong></li>
</ul>
<ul style="color: #1e3e61; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15.333333015441895px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 12px 20px;">
<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">To Surprise Me</strong></li>
</ul>
<ul style="color: #1e3e61; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15.333333015441895px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 12px 20px;">
<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">To Inspire Me</strong></li>
</ul>
These ideas have, in turn, become our company <u style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Values:</strong></u><strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Hospitality, Integrity, Security, Passion and Fun.</em></strong></blockquote>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then we had the tour.
An beautiful open-air atrium, an open-concept home with living, dining
and kitchen areas exposed to one another.
It really felt like someone’s home.
A walk down the few corridors and we saw rooms. Some have a private bath and others do
not. He would have his own room and
would not have to share it with anyone.
We can paint the walls whatever we want and bring as much of his own
furniture as we can shove in there. They
can provide a single bed, dresser and chair.
The only thing they would have to provide for Dad is a bed and maybe the
dresser but it would be up to him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then came the finances.
Dad is qualified for county assistance called Family Care. Basically, Dad would need to pay a rental fee
and then all other expenses would be covered.
However, in this particular facility they require two years of private
pay first. That would come to a total of
about $124,000. Yep, 124K That’s a lot of money and out of the realm of
possibility right now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I liked the place but my heart is heavy about ‘putting’ Dad
somewhere. The ultimate decision is his
and right now he says he would probably enjoy something like that. But when I think of the first couple of
nights, walking out the door and he in a single bed after sharing one with Mom
for 50 years – and a new place, new sounds, new smells, etc. I cried a bit last night just thinking about
it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the options I’m considering is having Dad move in
with me. There is funding available that will help with expenses which would be
necessary. But that would mean I need to
either find a large, 3-bedroom home to rent or position myself to buy a home in
the next 6 months which is not a possibility.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Very discouraging and I wish like crazy that Mom was here to
help with the decision. She trusted me.
She told me before she died that she knew I would never leave Dad and that all
my decisions would be in his best interest.
That doesn't make it any easier though.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was invited to come back at any time, with no advance call. Dad and I were invited to call ahead one day and let them know we would like to come for lunch or dinner at just $5 a person. I was also given a short list of things to look for in other facilities and then to let them know my comparisons, whether good or bad. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My first impression is overall wonderful. The people, the facility, the energy and spirit in that place seems to suit Dad pretty well. I would feel confident that he would fit in and find a place and purpose. It is on the 'if we could afford the first 2 years list' but regretfully, unless I can find other financial resources, it's not going to happen. All is not lost yet as this company has other properties in this area (just not this county) that accepts Family Care immediately. I will speak with our county advocate on Monday about this option.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have my second facility to visit this week. We will have much to compare and many more
notes, I’m sure.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you would like to visit the website and check out where I
went you can find it here: <a href="http://www.npseniorliving.com/mequon.php">http://www.npseniorliving.com/mequon.php</a><o:p></o:p></div>
ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12243882777440206488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-17785505224742424792012-11-06T17:08:00.003-06:002013-02-07T13:08:04.036-06:00Inside the Mind of Alzheimer'sI would like to try to take you into the mind of an Alzheimer's patient for just a few moments. The task is difficult but the first thing you must do is forget all of your basic assumptions and your particular logic. You must take your steps of logic one at a time. Typically we run through the logic steps quickly, coming to a conclusion and acting upon that conclusion. Not necessarily so with memory patients. To grasp what is happening we must put aside our realty and try to see the world through their eyes. We take the first logical step and if we do not recall if we acted upon that step, then we act on it without even a notion that perhaps there is another logical step beyond that first one.<br />
<br />
Reasoning is the process of consciously making sense of things, for establishing and verifying facts, and changing or justifying practices and beliefs based on new or existing information. Consider what happens, though, when the information you receive is never new and it never existed before?<br />
<br />
As family and loved ones of the patient we must continually be alert to the digressive nature of the disease AND to the basic human instinct of hiding our faults. An article by the Alzheimer's Organization is very helpful and I strongly recommend reading it. I have a copy of this online for you to simply read. You can see the link to the article at the end of this blog entry.<br />
<br />
Dad does have moderate to severe Alzheimer's. On the Alzheimer's Association scale he has most of Stage 5 and most of Stage 6 symptoms. The neuro-psychological world does not prescribe to this scale. As the Alzheimer's Association says, it is difficult to place someone in a particular stage as they overlap.<br />
<br />
What can Dad do and what can he not do?<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>reflexes are very slow and therefore he does not drive.</li>
<li>requires verbal reminders because he ignores written ones</li>
<li>is not able to balance a checkbook</li>
<li> has lost most of his understanding of cost and money. Sometimes unable to tell you if 50 is less than or equal to 100 without some time to figure it out.</li>
<li>is unable to recall recent events, as recent as two hours ago.</li>
<li> cannot count backwards from 100 by 5's or 7's. </li>
<li> is not able to plan, manage or organize complex tasks such as shopping, making a grocery list (for example his last list to me asked for 24 boxes of cereal. His pantry already contained 12 of them)</li>
<li>is not able to communicate health concerns to his physician</li>
<li>is unable to recall his current address, telephone number, location, date, day of the week, etc.</li>
<li>knows who he is and the names of his children but rarely recalls his grandchildren's names</li>
<li>personality changes include more tearful moments, ease in expressing emotion but prone to agitation and outbursts of anger</li>
<li>is closed-off during social settings and is rarely unsure of the time frame or reason for the gathering</li>
<li>experiences disturbances in normal sleep-waking cycles</li>
<li>unaware of surroundings other than his one apartment</li>
<li>cannot tell you where something is in his apartment if asked</li>
<li>has repetitive behaviors such as scratching his arms, fidgeting to the point of causing damage to clothing materials and arms of chairs, etc</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
Dad is able to care for his personal needs, bathing, etc... or so we assume. I check his dirty laundry and track towel and clothes usage and so far have not been able to detect any changes or lag in their use. His toiletries get regular use. A nurse will be involved in double checking beginning in two weeks. It will be masked as a weekly physical but they look for areas that may not be getting clean, extra dry areas or damaged skin such as rashes or fungus.<br />
<br />
His kitchen is always clean although he does not do deep cleaning and so either my nieces come over to do it or, like I'll do tomorrow, I'll get down on my hands and knees in the bathroom and do some hard-core cleaning. He will tell me he keeps up with it and I will not show him that he actually is not doing a good job in that department. <br />
<br />
So back to the idea of getting in to his mind - you've seen a bit already. He believes that since he runs the broom over the floor that everything is clean. In his mind it is simple: there is no garbage on the floor and no one steps on dirt therefore it is clean. Let's take this from another viewpoint, though. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Here are a few examples and I'll start with the now-infamous coffee pot disasters of March, September and October 2012.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Coffee pot overflows one day - it is broken - throw it away</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Coffee pot is gone - coffee grounds not needed - throw them away</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>There is meat in the freezer - obviously I eat meat - my diet is fine</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I do not recall eating lunch today - I must not have eaten - I'll eat again</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I don't recall having a bowl of ice cream today - I will have one</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>There is no mail to read - I must not have gotten it - I'll go check (up to 4X day)</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I don't remember if Kurt was here today - call him to ask when he's coming today</b><br />
<b>The floor appears clean - therefore I obviously clean the floor </b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Today, what would you assume did not get accomplished if you did not remember doing it? Laundry, breakfast, dishes, teeth, kids' lunch, bills paid, phone calls made, Facebook updated?</div>
<br />
Getting the idea? <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I have a sour gut - haven't had this in years - call Kurt for medicine</b></div>
<br />
What he doesn't realize is that is the third time that week, and the fifth time that month he has made that call. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I just received a wonderful phone call from XYZ - it's been months since the last time we spoke</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Haven't spoken to XYZ in a long time - they must not know that Mom passed away </b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
I can see HOW it can be easily justified in the minds of family and friends to not visit, call or write an Alzheimer's patient. They won't remember it so why bother, right? Frankly that attitude disgusts me. Those who forget the Alzheimer's patient will be among the first the patient forgets. Then how will you feel the day you show up and that person has no clue who you are? <br />
<br />
Dad loves cards and letters. He feels loved and remembered and he treasures them for weeks, keeping them next to his chair and sharing them with me every day. Often he calls to tell me he got a card or letter from so-and-so and you can hear the joy in his voice and smile on his heart. Does it really matter if he doesn't remember your phone call from yesterday? What should matter is right now - right here - the present. Why are so many people so selfish that they ignore the aging to protect their own feelings? You think that I don't cry each time I leave my Dad? Of course I do. It's hard - but how lonely it must be for the patient.<br />
<br />
My Dad's cousin has Alzheimer's and is in a nursing home. His wife calls and visits regularly as does a visiting nurse who spends time with him. Dad's cousin knows who they are and is often glad to see them. These people, and others, make a point of being involved in his life regardless of the disease. There is still a person in there - a person who feels, who has emotions, and has emotional needs.<br />
<br />
If there is someone you have been purposely ignoring (although quietly justifying it to yourself) I dare you to step up and contact them. Send a card, a note, a phone call, a visit with a gift of a snack is always a nice start. Don't plan to stay long as they typically tire easily but take a step for them. Chances are its a family member or loved one who has taken many steps and sacrificed much for you over the years. It is time to repay them.<br />
<br />
You've heard me say this before but it bears repeating: on my Mom's deathbed, when she was still able to speak; upon seeing the cards, flowers, and presence of so many people around here and the outpouring of love said to me, "why is it that I am so loved this much?" My response was simple: because its your turn now to receive that which you spent your whole life giving.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
Here is the link to the article: You'll need Adobe Reader to view it</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.milwaukeelease2own.com/">Click Here to Download Adobe Reader for Free</a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://dl.dropbox.com/u/70866122/Alzheimers_Carer_Booklet.pdf">Click Here to View This Helpful Article</a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12243882777440206488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-3242764042577043302012-11-04T13:58:00.001-06:002013-02-07T20:10:24.519-06:00Lord Grant Me the Grace to Tell Them So<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><b>The path of aging is one that none of us can avoid. We try and one must admit that the typical 50-year
old today looks and acts a lot younger than did 50 year olds in 1940. We have been able to slow the ravages of age
on the outside and to some degree on the inside as well. But in the end, the joke is on us because we
will all grow old. Our hair, if we are
lucky enough to keep it, will gray, our teeth will lose their appeal, body functions
will dwindle out of our control and our minds will not be as sharp as they once
were. It is a process. Andy Rooney once said, <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">“It's paradoxical that the idea of
living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't
appeal to anyone.”<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><b>My parents spoke of their growing years openly and
frequently. My mother fought it with
every ounce she had. She took great care of herself from diet to exercise to
facial creams and lotions. Cancer tried
having the last laugh but even in her dying Mom remained radiant and
beautiful. I can still see her hands and
face moments after her passing; so smooth, so ivory, and glowing. She was beautiful. Dad’s rough past and hardworking year’s show
but still he looks pretty darn good for being 71 years old. Alzheimer’s is playing out its cruel hand of
punishment on my father from his walking, to his ability to exercise and take
in nutrition, and even on his face.
Sometimes I gaze into his eyes and try to find the man of his
youth. That man continues to move
farther and farther away but there is still a light that shines out from his
beautiful blue eyes. At times they look
at me as if begging for help, curious to know why he is unable to do this or
that. Other times he looks at me
with the unfaltering, unconditional love that defines my father and that only a
father and son can share. We embrace
every day and the hugs tend to last longer than they used to. I sense it is his spirit hanging on to every
last portion of memory that he is able to, fully knowing that he is being robbed
of his precious moments upon every tick of the clock. There are moments when he seems lost. His eyes go almost empty and his body appears
stressed – unsure of its footing and not sure in which direction to move. Those are the harsh reminders of age.<o:p></o:p></b></span></span><br />
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><b>My father is falling as graceful as possible in to the abyss
that is called Alzheimer’s. With the
love and support we continually shower upon him we can only pray that his
winter years are kind and gentle. <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">“Prayer of an Anonymous
Abbess:</span></b></div>
<span style="background-color: white;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18.399999618530273px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20.799999237060547px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white;">
<b><div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Lord, thou knowest
better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old. Keep me from
becoming too talkative, and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking
that I must say something on every subject and at every opportunity.</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18.399999618530273px; line-height: 20.799999237060547px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Release me from the
idea that I must straighten out other peoples' affairs. With my immense
treasure of experience and wisdom, it seems a pity not to let everybody partake
of it. But thou knowest, Lord, that in the end I will need a few friends.</span></b></div>
</span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Keep me from the
recital of endless details; </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">give me wings to get to the point.</span></b></div>
</span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Grant me the
patience to listen to the complaints of others; help me to endure them with
charity. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains -- they increase with the
increasing years and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.</span></b></div>
</span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I will not ask thee
for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance
when my own memory doesn't agree with that of others. Teach me the glorious
lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.</span></b></div>
</span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Keep me reasonably
gentle. I do not have the ambition to become a saint -- it is so hard to live
with some of them -- </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">but a harsh old person is one of the devil's masterpieces.</span></b></div>
</span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Make me sympathetic
without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy. Let me discover merits where
I had not expected them, and talents in people whom I had not thought to
possess any. </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">And, Lord, give me the grace to tell them so.</span></b></div>
</span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Amen”<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></b></div>
</span>
</b></span><br />
<br />
<h4>
</h4>
ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12243882777440206488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-5003654221730312362012-10-20T11:17:00.001-05:002013-02-07T20:12:49.391-06:00The Day the Coffee Died...Part Two<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjIHA-WuH5lEV0KwJ-x1Dt4aq7XE0h2Sx9N_o0G5ZPFVYXrE3xsOQ1kCxty6T2ZwlYD-og76nNvkK13u3dwqkMqSFgdwLJ4geHe2oPvydGvgSm9F5AQKPNjM-svrnkjBMAG6w6nQaWKys/s1600/308561_195255660554716_119926108087672_442868_1998652976_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjIHA-WuH5lEV0KwJ-x1Dt4aq7XE0h2Sx9N_o0G5ZPFVYXrE3xsOQ1kCxty6T2ZwlYD-og76nNvkK13u3dwqkMqSFgdwLJ4geHe2oPvydGvgSm9F5AQKPNjM-svrnkjBMAG6w6nQaWKys/s1600/308561_195255660554716_119926108087672_442868_1998652976_n.jpg" /></a></div>
It was a crisp, cool fall morning. The leaves were not yet crunching under foot from the morning moisture and the squirrels seemed busier than ever....OK I can't do this...<br />
<br />
so he threw the coffee maker away again...the one we bought for him less than a month ago because he threw out the other coffee maker. Yet, I can't scold him, I can't remind him not to do that, I can't say anything but, "OK, we'll figure something out". But no more coffee makers. I believe it may be a good time for Dad to switch to instant coffee, which I'm pretty sure he will not enjoy. I may be surprised though. The last time he had instant coffee was about two years ago when Mom was in the hospital. He hated it. He took one sip and threw it away. This time I figured out the issue: he puts a coffee filter in when the coffee maker has one already. The water goes in faster than it comes out so you get coffee all over the counter. I know what your advice is - "you should have thrown away the coffee filters when you bought the new coffee maker"....We did. Yep. We did. And Dad is familiar with these types of machines but one day he woke up and thought, "I need a coffee filter in order to make coffee" and he walked next door to borrow a few filters. His reality - not mine.<br />
<br />
Most people around me will give me their best piece of advice on 'handling' a patient with memory issues. The advice is golden and each time I hear it it's like I've never heard it before. It's a revelation and I can't believe that I fail each time I put it in to practice....yeah, I can't do this either...<br />
<br />
Notes don't work, people. It sounds like great advice and it makes sense to all of us but not to a dementia patient. They don't read them and if you leave them around the house they get thrown away. Why? Work with me on this one.<br />
<br />
You have no memory issues at all. Now there's a note taped to the bathroom mirror to remind you to shut the shower faucets off. But why would you need that note? You have no memory issue and its common sense to shut the shower faucets off so you throw the note away because, after all, its silly, right? Are you following me on this one? You have no memory issue so these notes don't make any sense to remind you of the things that are obvious so why are the notes there? Throw the notes away after all, you aren't a third grader, right? Notes. Silly ideas when you have no memory issue. His reality - not ours. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12243882777440206488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-54393842002595092502012-09-24T11:46:00.001-05:002013-02-07T20:13:58.060-06:00The Day the Coffee Died<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This morning I awoke to yet another reality call. It came in the form of a phone call from my
Dad. He sounded upset with the first
sound that came from his mouth. He said
the coffee pot was “broken all to hell” and that he wants instant coffee from
now on. I could hear that he basically
just had an argument with the coffee maker and it almost won. In a final act to claim victory he took the
machine and smashed it to bits under his foot and threw it in the trash. To further add injury to his victim he
wrapped up the garbage bag and walked down three flights of stairs to the
basement and threw the bag in to the dumpster, disposing all evidence that a
coffee-crime had been committed. Upon
arriving back home he took all the remaining coffee grounds including the two
brand new large containers of coffee, opened them, poured them in to the
garbage disposal, and sent it all to a watery grave.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRODz8aY573H0QAm-_JJhibO_dGExRSjCSI3U3WNxGE05AZqEvi13GFS8vy576ZC3NKa44E_VUSExfdpxb8wcMEWsdS_tsgRChzT49oo7kQMeeYocDxuD4Y_h9dgdd7glzGpnyP6RGDMU/s1600/coffee2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRODz8aY573H0QAm-_JJhibO_dGExRSjCSI3U3WNxGE05AZqEvi13GFS8vy576ZC3NKa44E_VUSExfdpxb8wcMEWsdS_tsgRChzT49oo7kQMeeYocDxuD4Y_h9dgdd7glzGpnyP6RGDMU/s320/coffee2.jpg" width="277" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I fought the urge to go a little crazy. A dear friend had just purchased this coffee
maker right after Mom passed away. Robb
and I had purchased two large containers of coffee for him. So here’s the hard part – remembering the
wise words of my second cousin, Jean Clifford (“live in his reality, not yours”),
I simply said we’ll take care of it. I
had to fight the urge to say SOMETHING.
I wanted him to realize that none of his actions made sense and then I
realize that yes, to him, they made perfectly sound sense.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">So here’s the logic path that Alzheimer’s patients follow
and you simply cannot and SHOULD not fight it because it is logical.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 1.75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: large;"><i>1.
<!--[endif]--> Coffee
pot is not working right<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 2.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: large;"><i>a.
<!--[endif]-->Must be broken<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 2.75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level3 lfo1; mso-text-indent-alt: -9.0pt; text-indent: -2.75in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: large;"><i>
i. <!--[endif]-->Throw
it out<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: large;"><i>2.
<!--[endif]-->No coffee maker <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 2.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: large;"><i>a.
<!--[endif]-->coffee grounds not necessary anymore<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 2.75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level3 lfo1; mso-text-indent-alt: -9.0pt; text-indent: -2.75in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: large;"><i>
i. <!--[endif]-->Throw
them out</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 2.75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level3 lfo1; mso-text-indent-alt: -9.0pt; text-indent: -2.75in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I’m upset but there’s nothing I can do about it and all He
did was take one logical step after another.
Alzheimer’s does not allow the victim to think through possible outcomes
and to problem solve. They no longer have that software. It’s like asking your computer to open a
program with Microsoft Word when you do not have Microsoft Word installed on
your computer. Instead it may open the
file as a text file and all formatting will be lost. It just won’t work because the software is no
longer installed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Today I will go over to Dad’s and we’ll talk about the fact
that we have to wait until Thursday, payday, to rectify the coffee issue. I’ll pray to the heaven’s that the angels
guard my tongue and I fight any urge to correct him or instill at least one
sense of ‘you were wrong’ in his head.
He’s not wrong. He’s right…it is
his reality, not mine.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12243882777440206488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-4729088658678012212012-09-07T16:31:00.003-05:002012-09-07T16:31:57.654-05:00May I Have the Envelope, Please?<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The drive to the doctors’ office was long. It was one of those drives where upon arrival
you wonder how you got there and if anything happened along the way. My mind was several thousand miles away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifIoVuhjjwfIzmjA0ixBeV6pRzIaX6YirVjpOZX6RjWf_CbASIyVP_LlhmhZHy2TodKZaphiCxPnlbbzSlSB8_xc2TBRkEdlX09v5xeXNTXygy73H34JQ6cbH5Eri_nlrMAznki-fQP6Pb/s1600/hallway+one.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifIoVuhjjwfIzmjA0ixBeV6pRzIaX6YirVjpOZX6RjWf_CbASIyVP_LlhmhZHy2TodKZaphiCxPnlbbzSlSB8_xc2TBRkEdlX09v5xeXNTXygy73H34JQ6cbH5Eri_nlrMAznki-fQP6Pb/s320/hallway+one.JPG" width="239" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">As I walked down the hall to the doctor’s office I imagined
I was walking down the actual corridor of the brain that goes on strike in so
many people as they age. Whether it is
the process of aging, dementia or full-blown Alzheimer’s disease, the corridor
is the same. I imagined the plaque that
develops along those corridors and saw in my minds’ eye large tuffs of
yellowish-white masses hanging from the walls and the ceiling. I intentionally walked slower down the hall
not really wanting to hear what I already knew in my mind and in my heart. I paused at the door and remembered when Mom
and I brought Dad to this very same office in 2010. Mom and I went out to lunch and did some
shopping while Dad underwent a series of tests and here we are two years later,
with so many stories have come and gone, and so many internal and spiritual
tests as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I barely sat down and started reading the People Magazine on
Prince Harry’s Las Vegas trip when the doctor came out and invited me back to
his office. Out his office window a
large crane was hoisting construction materials on to the roof and I thought
how much the place has already changed since Mom and I were here last, although
we were in the office next door at the time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaeR6dMwF7RS1n7iuLxL6rIoSHKkXn8PitXS2v41S0qj7lvcTT9Xmrv9ARVBc8knFxDgI_uYx6H3veLdueudsBzJTASG7H0BblwmpmPm_lqA5auA14QGsLPv91GTf3IW32UkqiFlRjBZPe/s1600/head+one.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaeR6dMwF7RS1n7iuLxL6rIoSHKkXn8PitXS2v41S0qj7lvcTT9Xmrv9ARVBc8knFxDgI_uYx6H3veLdueudsBzJTASG7H0BblwmpmPm_lqA5auA14QGsLPv91GTf3IW32UkqiFlRjBZPe/s200/head+one.jpg" width="173" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The doctor presented me with Dad’s test results, knowing how
much I love to research these things, and then proceeded to walk me through
some of them. In 2010 Dad was diagnosed
with mild dementia, having scored fairly high in most of the exams. Here we are two years later and Dad has
received a diagnosis of moderate to severe Alzheimer’s. The doctor explained that they traditionally
do not ascribe to the seven stages of Alzheimer’s due to the fact that they
cross over one another and they can paint an inaccurate picture of the
patient. He was, however, nice enough to
tell me that if he were to ascribe to the stages, he would place Dad between
Stage 5 and Stage 6, having some symptoms of both stages but not all of
them. He said that the neuro psychological
world prefers to stick with three basic stages:
Mild, Moderate, Severe, and identify cross overs when necessary. In
Dad’s case, the high end of moderate drifting in to the low end of severe. If
we were to see the continued rate of decline that we have seen in the past two
years, Dad will be in the high end of severe within the next two years and
within 4 to five years he will require full-time nursing assistance and the man
we know today will be, for the most part, long gone from us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdaWaVDUM2Kyx4u8Y1AjEH1A463X-gvT9YdMQXwWgv_P2ifR-b_q5Nq7vi2bbTKgU_EYzPEQmZK0GMLJmJk_FSnnOC9_HtCxDR1tg1P8H-PPuc6QxwApRdRn4opxU-8PdpQHqvCWvHReRw/s1600/DNA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdaWaVDUM2Kyx4u8Y1AjEH1A463X-gvT9YdMQXwWgv_P2ifR-b_q5Nq7vi2bbTKgU_EYzPEQmZK0GMLJmJk_FSnnOC9_HtCxDR1tg1P8H-PPuc6QxwApRdRn4opxU-8PdpQHqvCWvHReRw/s200/DNA.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">A few of the tests were explained to me. The scores can be thought of as percentages
but its dangerous to think of them as ONLY percentages as that could paint an
unrealistic picture. For example,
immediate remembrance of things that have occurred in the last fifteen to
thirty minutes was scored at 89 in 2010, and now is around 50 today. However, if you were to assume 50% it would
be incorrect as Dad only recalled 10 items out of 40 (not all at the same time)
even when prompted. He would be
presented with a list of items with words and pictures and they talked through
each one. Ten minutes later he was shown
the same items and asked if he could recall if they were on the first
list. He was able to identify 10 out of
40. He did worse when it came to
numbers, not being able to recall any of them.
His ability to retain immediate information is severely impaired. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Dad was disoriented at the testing and was only able to
state the current year and state he lived in.
The examiner reoriented him, telling him the correct answers, but 10
minutes later, he was no better able to answer these orientation
questions. He was not able to recall 3
words after a brief delay and did not benefit from cuing. The report goes on and on but I will not
share all the details here. Suffice it
to say it was not a good result.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Doctor is recommending to move Dad to an assisted living
facility within the next few months.
They recognize that he is getting a high level of care provided by my
daily visits and the tasks that I do for him, but they recommend moving him so
that he can have access to the professional care should that time arise. There are other financial reasons why moving
him to an assisted living facility now is better than waiting especially if we
wait till we need it on an emergency
basis. Getting him there now will also
ease the transition to a memory unit when that time arrives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqeZORyPCUj6brQVEkoJDOVYQ0VA267U0J4DCagZtlSm7jQrgyuiZb0_IMUWaTOC1ndf5DjtEBkoSj9ovGamiE7qO0Q2StGxIvOEvMP8lrMuljVBHGXCewtzz5Gszn-bksz8zuHE94dtVV/s1600/dad+surgery.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqeZORyPCUj6brQVEkoJDOVYQ0VA267U0J4DCagZtlSm7jQrgyuiZb0_IMUWaTOC1ndf5DjtEBkoSj9ovGamiE7qO0Q2StGxIvOEvMP8lrMuljVBHGXCewtzz5Gszn-bksz8zuHE94dtVV/s200/dad+surgery.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">So what about the surgery and the hydrocephalus? Surgery will be discussed with Dad but in
conversations I have had with him so far indicate that he would lean towards my
recommendation. He’s not crazy about the
idea of surgery. The neuro-surgeon says
Dad has a 40% chance of getting his short term memory back but that was BEFORE
he read the results of the neuropsychologist.
Dr Schwartz says that 40% is extremely generous and that the number is
likely closer to 15%. There is
significant atrophy of the memory pathways in the brain and you cannot reverse
atrophy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3u-32zs1ODfrdcrkGOU4kcn3K_5JvRhzJRahwzYAdkILODotVbeDUPfeRudSl2Oyn6RY-fAuJrjLB23MEk8tFmW_WKxwYbk1fniCr-cL7rfH9uN8Y4haN3veX5Wqyver6Sa09NcXov44D/s1600/Dad+2012,+August.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3u-32zs1ODfrdcrkGOU4kcn3K_5JvRhzJRahwzYAdkILODotVbeDUPfeRudSl2Oyn6RY-fAuJrjLB23MEk8tFmW_WKxwYbk1fniCr-cL7rfH9uN8Y4haN3veX5Wqyver6Sa09NcXov44D/s200/Dad+2012,+August.jpg" width="183" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The bottom line for me is that the risks of the surgery <b><u>far</u></b> outweigh the possible
benefits. I will present Dad with the
facts and let him make his own decision.
The facts will also be shared with close family and we will all offer
Dad our support.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Dad still has that great smile, a slightly warped sense of humor, and very healing hugs! Love you, Dad!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-32904056453675286182012-09-06T21:28:00.000-05:002012-09-06T21:28:04.205-05:00The Night Before...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV9R49gVa9S_t3cidHSuGkzVFy8R86n8QCokRg5RPPlhiSshoG5CeJ4Y88IedQStf7ga4jtSuZRYzdhzrdiLIeMNYZE2nuAf5fPEk-VnL-hLbQZ5-8u_TVzan2Aw16_Rns2cgyKSTnIpYw/s1600/Mom+and+Dad+Wedding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV9R49gVa9S_t3cidHSuGkzVFy8R86n8QCokRg5RPPlhiSshoG5CeJ4Y88IedQStf7ga4jtSuZRYzdhzrdiLIeMNYZE2nuAf5fPEk-VnL-hLbQZ5-8u_TVzan2Aw16_Rns2cgyKSTnIpYw/s320/Mom+and+Dad+Wedding.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wedding Day, Mom and Dad</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM6Y84XXUnlpaShNI1vARzTVpBpyWP7nr4W2xn7tCvYLxKGXe1E5Zn0UtAa8fOZVKF7gGaCH_mFzZGraJPYda5ZkQF1jwNpmZ0XlyW67AGris4FOUMz1fw4ShKcrP8gIKm_TftzxWO_1vz/s1600/Mom+and+Dad+Holy+Hill.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM6Y84XXUnlpaShNI1vARzTVpBpyWP7nr4W2xn7tCvYLxKGXe1E5Zn0UtAa8fOZVKF7gGaCH_mFzZGraJPYda5ZkQF1jwNpmZ0XlyW67AGris4FOUMz1fw4ShKcrP8gIKm_TftzxWO_1vz/s400/Mom+and+Dad+Holy+Hill.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">50 years Later</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Today would have been my parents’ 51</span><sup style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">st</sup><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> wedding
anniversary. Now we all know they were pretty young when they got married and
the managed to beat all the odds!</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">They
celebrated their 50</span><sup style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">th</sup><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> wedding anniversary in 2011 with friends and
family and cake and lots of smiles and some tears.</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We did not realize, of course, it would be
their last anniversary together but Mom had a pretty good idea it was very
possible.</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Seven months later she would
pass away with her beloved at her side, holding her hand.</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Always there, always strong, always together.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Today I grocery shopped for my father as I do about every
two weeks. On the list:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCbZ_URbwPGkKzHq1XVNLbaqXkupgrU9FZrKRNO8Z23qgytuayVL00J4yS84vqSSuvm2VvBgoOfmx-n42kBSTK33KpHC8pv4-Qi8Ic6hz3nsJ3XWcxNHcee-1tbUqH-ipbrNysjZ-epAVq/s1600/Dad+groceries.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCbZ_URbwPGkKzHq1XVNLbaqXkupgrU9FZrKRNO8Z23qgytuayVL00J4yS84vqSSuvm2VvBgoOfmx-n42kBSTK33KpHC8pv4-Qi8Ic6hz3nsJ3XWcxNHcee-1tbUqH-ipbrNysjZ-epAVq/s320/Dad+groceries.JPG" width="320" /></a><ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Ritz Crackers</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Bread (about ten loaves a month is what he goes through)</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Yogurt (about 6 a month)</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Turkey Burgers</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Grape Jelly</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Peanut Butter</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Cheese</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Honey</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Canned Veggies (he doesn’t like the frozen stuff)</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Something special from the bakery</i></span></li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnq8RvJ3t8KxnA96qH3GruG5W8OmG_doO9C-7-eiywbVbqTLnMh4dJEH0OCe0QhFx4vvjh3esV6M0nj_ymW9lz2O0l9JL4V8wYG27ZlBMVbf_u2OybLnSDqxiIt_rSdYO2gtDnIhFrQBEO/s1600/dad+groceries+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnq8RvJ3t8KxnA96qH3GruG5W8OmG_doO9C-7-eiywbVbqTLnMh4dJEH0OCe0QhFx4vvjh3esV6M0nj_ymW9lz2O0l9JL4V8wYG27ZlBMVbf_u2OybLnSDqxiIt_rSdYO2gtDnIhFrQBEO/s320/dad+groceries+2.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Dad’s diet is extremely predictable. The first 2-3 months after Mom’s passing he
pretty much consumed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We averaged 5 jars of peanut butter and jelly
a month! Finally I sat him down and told
him we need to change up the diet. It
took about a month to get through to him including me going over there and
cooking for him on occasion. Now he
cooks a turkey burger and veggies three times a week for his supper. Once a week he’ll eat a turkey breast with
veggies, the rest of the time its sandwiches.
At least I got him eating more protein and veggies and I get him sugar
free bread now. He doesn’t know the
difference. Phew!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">After we visited for a bit I decided not to remind him of
the anniversary date. It hurt my heart a
little bit but I have to remind myself that its ok. We talked about it the day before but within
a matter of ten minutes he completely forgot.
There is no doubt of his love for Mom – nor has there EVER been. The love was witnessed for 50 years and the
love continues in his heart and the deep recesses of his memory. He still knows who she was and still talks
with her every day. My goal is to talk
about her every single time I see Dad so to help him keep her memory alive in
his brain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Dad called me tonight sounding pretty worried and anxious. I
can hear it in his voice almost immediately.
He wanted to know if Mom’s brother, my Uncle Bob, knew about Mom’s
passing. My heart dropped to my ankles
but remembering the words of Jean Clifford, wonderful wife to my father’s
cousin, Dave; “live in HIS reality, not yours”, I calmly said, “yes, Uncle Bob
was informed and he even got to speak to Mom two days before she passed and
then again about one hour before she passed away”. This was the fourth time since Mom's passing that he has asked this question. It’s a phone call that I was witness to because
I held the phone to Mom’s ear while her brother told her fond memories of their
childhood and told her how much he loved her.
They had resolved any differences between them several months earlier
and their love for one another was very strong.
I don’t’ expect Dad to remember that particular instance but I pray
every day that I never forget a single moment of those 5 days in hospice. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDgXDTGuSqcgVAfiyrXXMAigK3XXVq3v-1FDB-spNJyrKHuCKfwPjGqfWtX2eQU2aJ05UNlHFbyMN7fTWLw0IWTAJ3SYn7inqJKMUFuQrlVXJ4MgJ40btXlhE63aMljBxGf9CYN9TQAize/s1600/ebem+schwartz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDgXDTGuSqcgVAfiyrXXMAigK3XXVq3v-1FDB-spNJyrKHuCKfwPjGqfWtX2eQU2aJ05UNlHFbyMN7fTWLw0IWTAJ3SYn7inqJKMUFuQrlVXJ4MgJ40btXlhE63aMljBxGf9CYN9TQAize/s1600/ebem+schwartz.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Tomorrow I will meet with the neuro-psychologist, Dr
Schwartz. I am nervous about the
meeting. He will tell us that either Dad
has mild dementia that’s probably a result of the hydrocephalus or he’ll tell
us that Dad does have Alzheimer’s and he’ll name the stage they feel he is
in. I am confident it will be the second
option and I THINK I’m ready for it.
What I’m NOT ready for right now are the plans we may well have to put
in to place should the doctors’ feel that Dad’s Alzheimer’s requires assisted
living, now. They recognize that Dad is
getting, for the most part, assisted living from us but he also recognizes the
need for 24-hour professional assistance should anything happen. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Let’s face it – I’m not going to get an email
or a reminder on my iPhone that says, “you are hereby notified that your father’s
condition will officially get to the point of no return on such-n-such a date
and time”…he will be a fall risk sooner than we want. He will be a risk for leaving the stove on,
or forgetting to lock the door or take his keys with him. These are things that are difficult for those
of us who know him to think he would forget.
Every day for years and years Dad has put his keys on his belt, has
double checked the stove and oven before going to bed, and has always locked
the door no matter how far away he may wander.
And any day now Dad may very well be on a walk and forget where he
is. Worse, he’ll forget his phone that
day and forget that his address is in his front pocket to show someone for
help. Perhaps it is time for me to wake
up and maybe tomorrow will be my huge wake-up call. Am I in denial? Perhaps – and probably to an extent. Dad is still his charming, funny, witty,
loving self but every time we are together there are very obvious, stark
reminders that things upstairs are not processing the way they should be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWkcjXRZds4aH8NZTUhrsocFtGIbt0JR_crILiW1kW9dxndcXKhyOYwkXTQAn8Mt7YHWqpzIP_JUZmLltoGyP7RG7afhaKbptx1tYucWZDAgW9WWThLmuX1cvXAaTMCEEgqkUIqgZ-GrPt/s1600/Dad+in+his+younger+years.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWkcjXRZds4aH8NZTUhrsocFtGIbt0JR_crILiW1kW9dxndcXKhyOYwkXTQAn8Mt7YHWqpzIP_JUZmLltoGyP7RG7afhaKbptx1tYucWZDAgW9WWThLmuX1cvXAaTMCEEgqkUIqgZ-GrPt/s320/Dad+in+his+younger+years.jpg" width="111" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Dad loves to talk about his younger days. He remembers those really well. I think my dad was and still is a very handsome man and I'm so very proud that he is my father.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Dad and I talked about a nursing home and he says he totally
trusts me and that if I feel it is the right thing to do, he says he will honor
my decision. I love my father and he
loves me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjljvpm2X3Dt8m2l8R3bVeGKo1jUMCQ3lj8GEj2K4KBSai0clk4LjzCeWONDemuOnmNQYt6mpdC3IAyv3mJ7l1p63qPQ4F-whOQ_dVB7wOcmS6o6x7srPXWDzfOcdXHCdh_E7Ena3_rOC3n/s1600/Dad,+Terri,+Kurt+and+Glen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjljvpm2X3Dt8m2l8R3bVeGKo1jUMCQ3lj8GEj2K4KBSai0clk4LjzCeWONDemuOnmNQYt6mpdC3IAyv3mJ7l1p63qPQ4F-whOQ_dVB7wOcmS6o6x7srPXWDzfOcdXHCdh_E7Ena3_rOC3n/s1600/Dad,+Terri,+Kurt+and+Glen.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So on this eve of breaking news (and here’s hoping it’s ‘nothing
big’), I find myself thinking about the future and what else I need to
sacrifice in order to provide my father with the same level of care, safety and security he
provided for Mom and all of us kids for over 50 years (ok, for me, only 45
years!). He deserves the best in the autumn and winter of his years. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-90697420513395401782012-09-04T20:26:00.002-05:002012-09-04T20:48:20.487-05:00The Results from the Neurosurgeon<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimfrqzdncLpSIuEf5aorF4FpTObLWl6GWeR4SPKzYt_90_1ZDNnq_dbhXqmwAec8_kWMEoNEirCFGzpF8Lwo6SVOR2tJl0yGtkAIDDRS3n-P503cpHA7BLSqm_DsGlCK3X05_bKTv7F5nq/s1600/neurology.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimfrqzdncLpSIuEf5aorF4FpTObLWl6GWeR4SPKzYt_90_1ZDNnq_dbhXqmwAec8_kWMEoNEirCFGzpF8Lwo6SVOR2tJl0yGtkAIDDRS3n-P503cpHA7BLSqm_DsGlCK3X05_bKTv7F5nq/s320/neurology.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">What an early day once again. Dad stayed home while I made the drive to the
neurologist to talk about the results from Dad’s spinal tap. I met with Dr Kenneth Reichert a neurosurgeon on the same team as the neurosurgeon who performed Mom's brain operation last November.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The results are in and he is positive for
hydrocephalus. Here is the official report for those of us who like to read medical bumbo-jumbo:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>TECHNIQUE: 0.69 mCi of of indium 111 DTPA was intrathecally injected </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>followed by 30 minute imaging of the thoracolumbar spinal canal. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Subsequently, 4, 24, 48 and 72 hour anterior, posterior and lateral planar </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>imaging of the brain was performed. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>FINDINGS: Initial 30 minute post
lumbar puncture images of the spinal canal </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>do not demonstrate any the
leak/extravasation of tracer. Four hour images </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>demonstrate physiological
tracer uptake within the basal cisterns, sylvian </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>and interhemispheric CSF
spaces; there is also prominent lateral ventricle </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>activity. 24 hour images
also demonstrate prominent lateral ventricle </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>activity, minimally decreased
from 4hrs. There is some physiological tracer </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>uptake tracking along the
cerebral convexities. 48 hour images demonstrate </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>further migration of CSF
along the cerebral convexities however there is </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>decreasing but persistent
tracer uptake within the lateral ventricles. 72 </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>hour images do demonstrate
near resolution of activity within the lateral </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>ventricles with additional
tracer migration along the cerebral convexities. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>However, there is no
significant sagittal sinus activity even at this time. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>This delayed CSF
migration pattern with tracer reflux into the lateral </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>ventricles is
suspicious for communicating hydrocephalus. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>IMPRESSION: There is delayed
CSF migration pattern with persistent tracer </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>reflux into the lateral
ventricles up to 48 hours, suspicious for </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>communicating hydrocephalus. </i></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwgeAZo4ptqRejM2qwmeNiQw9ThAwq32IZqTYF5Cb6AFX7w0AyEZGmzDtO85rBvwp-G4x5UTbelzuqYmbpUBAqbwVLxzQAr9oP3S9zYrhLMNEnbWFlv68MsK9Yf8edhaojBVhCMEaGtTSB/s1600/Dad,+day+of+injection.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwgeAZo4ptqRejM2qwmeNiQw9ThAwq32IZqTYF5Cb6AFX7w0AyEZGmzDtO85rBvwp-G4x5UTbelzuqYmbpUBAqbwVLxzQAr9oP3S9zYrhLMNEnbWFlv68MsK9Yf8edhaojBVhCMEaGtTSB/s400/Dad,+day+of+injection.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Day of spinal injection; typical; you see the dye in the brain and down the<br />spinal cord. Nothing significant - as expected</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHfC47gEk4dyGbe6TZvr7fVja8PvhzVdvAlrhrRiO-yGkm_4ko6eZjN-ITX2bS5xszMrCtL-MdFcYL0RgrvTEibCPPUUpgDP85KiSWQw1YC6Di0VYt6BJRgrs50bKtBFmIPkNtd-MlIDzJ/s1600/dad+four+days+later.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHfC47gEk4dyGbe6TZvr7fVja8PvhzVdvAlrhrRiO-yGkm_4ko6eZjN-ITX2bS5xszMrCtL-MdFcYL0RgrvTEibCPPUUpgDP85KiSWQw1YC6Di0VYt6BJRgrs50bKtBFmIPkNtd-MlIDzJ/s400/dad+four+days+later.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Four days later, should not being seeing signs of dye; still showing<br />about 6.29 inches down the spinal cord and in the brain. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But what does this
mean? Yes, there’s excessive spinal
fluid on the brain and it is possible it is affecting his short term
memory. Here is the breakdown form the
doctor.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_9oLKnrHiAlJcYxDboUbcX4sbY7RSnOOuFryltycvkHj3W3Yal0LkDZMsHYN2uttIilauNOvlIcvFN-eh3PWXP_E0LV7YSrITw2wBWJl3XVWHK1_TEA6L6nCGBddFcG6-rKWXoyahnZO1/s1600/Dr_Kenneth_Reichert.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_9oLKnrHiAlJcYxDboUbcX4sbY7RSnOOuFryltycvkHj3W3Yal0LkDZMsHYN2uttIilauNOvlIcvFN-eh3PWXP_E0LV7YSrITw2wBWJl3XVWHK1_TEA6L6nCGBddFcG6-rKWXoyahnZO1/s1600/Dr_Kenneth_Reichert.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dr Kenneth Reichert<br />
Neurosurgeon</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Dad’s a candidate for surgery whereby they would place a
shunt in his brain. The procedure would
mean he would probably be between the hospital and rehab/nursing care for up to
two months while he recovers. Then he will require assistance at home for an
unspecified amount of time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The surgery has a 70% chance of improving dad’s walking –
which isn’t really a concern right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The surgery has a 60% chance of correcting incontinence –
which Dad isn’t experiencing right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The surgery has a 40% chance of correcting short term memory
loss – of which Dad has a significant loss.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">If we do nothing, Dad will decline and eventually require
nursing care. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">If we do surgery there’s a 40% chance that he’ll be able to
eventually get back on his own. However,
he will require assisted living and other protocols in place to always monitor
how he’s doing. Dad will always be a
fall risk, too. With surgery, there’s a
60% chance he’ll require nursing care starting immediately and for the rest of
his life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The odds are not exactly in his favor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This Friday I will meet with the neuro-psychologist and find
out their take on Dad’s condition.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I spoke to Dad today about it for about an hour or so. The first thing he said was, “well tell the
Doctor I don’t hear any sloshing around and I’ll let him know when I do!” That’s my Dad – always quick to shrug things
off with a joke. But he realizes the
serious nature of this issue. He is
prepared for his life to change drastically IF he chooses the surgery. I told him we will make the decision as a
team. He told me he wouldn’t want it any
other way. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-42464073152334675432012-09-03T22:49:00.000-05:002012-09-03T22:49:09.416-05:00Another Day in the Life Of...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEg9PklWgBD6UXqq0XnkxFKhVfXGwy5zW3AHdIcFvW1uPIbUAA0B5Rlw40uNAwbgsvnb00XF7QiIIAzPyPDdl9HzyEtoMZTjqnuTB6gj80cCfW_j-cYTQV9tzKZDwuom0EaieBH6GwU6Y/s1600/berkshire+lobby+one.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEg9PklWgBD6UXqq0XnkxFKhVfXGwy5zW3AHdIcFvW1uPIbUAA0B5Rlw40uNAwbgsvnb00XF7QiIIAzPyPDdl9HzyEtoMZTjqnuTB6gj80cCfW_j-cYTQV9tzKZDwuom0EaieBH6GwU6Y/s320/berkshire+lobby+one.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Everyday I walk in to the building where my dad lives. I am typically greeted by several residents who all tell me that they think Dad is doing really well. They see him at all the functions. They know he takes several walks a day and they even watch for him to return. One lady is trying to get her husband to walk with Dad but says he probably won't get around to it. <br />
<br />
I'm blessed that even though Dad is not in an assisted living facility, he is watched and cared for daily. Many people have my cell phone number if they need me for anything. They go out of their way to talk with him and include him in all the 'reindeer games'. He enjoys it there but lately he says he is getting bored for stuff to do.<br />
<br />
Dad tells me each day that he doesn't participate in the activities there but I know that its just his memory not recalling his participation. The residents and the manager, Jill, tell me otherwise. It's ok and I just tell him that he can go when he is comfortable. I try and make sure he has a few singles on him every day so he can make the donation when they have events. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7nG6lw-F53f1MwrYdA9U9rE0kB6YnL6zkDzpG1APqLIlBGNOLtS3rILjmA_PK3Do86owwCh8o7fJMZyGZcayEK6vLKDIlGS2qFrAGIybVBUkmPT8sha0a8cdobnZkTICuwMt5SPEaebU/s1600/ebem+schwartz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7nG6lw-F53f1MwrYdA9U9rE0kB6YnL6zkDzpG1APqLIlBGNOLtS3rILjmA_PK3Do86owwCh8o7fJMZyGZcayEK6vLKDIlGS2qFrAGIybVBUkmPT8sha0a8cdobnZkTICuwMt5SPEaebU/s1600/ebem+schwartz.jpg" /></a></div>Interestingly enough I had a wonderful talk with the neuro-psychologist, Dr Ebem Schwartz, during Dad's recent extensive testing. He is a recent transplant from Lebano, NH and is a really nice individual to talk with. While I explained things to him and told him I want to get Dad to an assisted living facility he kindly interrupted me and said, "don't kid yourself, Kurt. You are providing an assisted living facility for your father - we need to get YOU the help to provide for your father". I was totally blown away by what he said but it was also a great affirmation that so far, we are doing things well. Mom would be pleased. <br />
<br />
Still, Dad's short-term memory issues are of great concern. Dr. Schwartz said that I did not have to call for a follow-up appointment, that all information would be forwarded to the neuro-surgeon, unless I wanted to. The very next morning he called me and said he would like to talk with me about Dad's results. Not exactly encouraging BUT I'm glad he went out of his way to contact me. Typically the results can take up to two weeks to process but they rushed this one for me, knowing I was meeting with the neuro-surgeon this week.<br />
<br />
I have done a lot of research on dementia/Alzheimer's VS hydrocephalus and so far, I'm not truly convinced that hydrocephalus is our culprit. It is true that the two cross paths in many symptoms and characteristics but I'm not convinced yet. Maybe my mind will be changed this week.<br />
<br />
Our biggest concern is what will happen to Dad if we elect surgery to help with the hydrocephalus. It is highly documented that dementia patients who undergo surgery have a very difficult time coming back as a result of the anesthetic. We are not making any hasty decisions. The bottom line is this: with hydrocephalus and dementia/Alzheimer the end result is the same...nursing care and eventual death. If surgery to help the first one puts him on a fast track to the end result, why would we choose that?<br />
<br />
I am keeping my commitment to my parents by keeping them informed. It is tough because I know Dad doesn't recall my telling him things and he is always surprised to hear about them. But I MUST stay focused on my commitment. A wonderful family member recently told me that its important to live in HIS reality, not mine. What wonderful words of advice from a lady who is watching her beloved slowly taken away by Alzheimer's disease. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_0ygs4q303IlFABOz7h7DWhzyiDNeSZPNcZfcGYZFq8jAT5KggMs2T4YlK7AwdFzCwY3h7GxarioP8xx1AQO3ytV8qyhODfnmzSLQfDEc4oYXjFqChb6SLhoPIzs-Y5U9V26KgSUl_fM/s1600/nursinghome.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_0ygs4q303IlFABOz7h7DWhzyiDNeSZPNcZfcGYZFq8jAT5KggMs2T4YlK7AwdFzCwY3h7GxarioP8xx1AQO3ytV8qyhODfnmzSLQfDEc4oYXjFqChb6SLhoPIzs-Y5U9V26KgSUl_fM/s200/nursinghome.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Dad and I talked about nursing care. He doesn't want it but he knows that if he goes its because he has to. He trusts me that I'm not going to drop him off somewhere and leave him be. That's not what I promised and I'm not going to do that.<br />
<br />
If I could give one piece of advice to people about aging, it is this: prepare financially. It is very expensive to grow old in this country. Whether we can have our elders under our same roof or in the care of professionals it takes a lot of money and its just going to get more expensive. Plan. Prepare. Make the commitment today to not be a financial burden but more important make the commitment to YOURSELF to have enough financial resources so that YOU, in the autumn and winter seasons of your life, are as comfortable as possible. <br />
<br />
<br />
ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12243882777440206488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-85201844940542572832012-07-17T16:08:00.001-05:002012-07-17T16:08:09.897-05:00Hydrocephalus - Not Our Friend<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Hydrocephalus is, simply put, excessive spinal fluid (or water) on the brain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The water is there because of an obstruction,
a tumor, or brain injury.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Generally, the
physicians do not know why it occurs unless, of course, there has been a
recordable or obvious injury or tumor or obvious blockage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In dad’s case, they don’t know why its there.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">How did we first come to this conclusion?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well its not definitive but because Dad’s
symptoms that we have been associating with Alzheimer’s have been getting
worse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll stop here for a point of
clarification.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may be asking
yourself the same question(s) we have:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>how could they misdiagnosis this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well, it’s common.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hydrocephalus
looks and acts just like dementia or Parkinson’s disease.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You just don’t know until you do a CT of the
head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In Dad’s case we did one in 2010
that did now show any significant atrophy, damage or extra fluid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The CT scan performed this year shows a fair
amount of atrophy and extra fluid. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We do
not rule out Alzheimer’s at this point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We need to get a few more tests.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">The first test they want to put Dad through involves a
lumbar puncture – also known as a spinal tap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yeah, ouch!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are going to
remove some of the fluid and run tests on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They will also monitor his behavior and more specifically his walking
and gait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dad has been hunched over,
shuffling his feet, has a wider than usual stance and walks very slowly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If there is a change in his gat within 48
hours of the puncture, it’s a really good indication that we have an overabundance
of fluid causing pressure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">They will also inject a dye in to the spinal fluid, known as
a NM Cisternogram.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the normal adult
person the die will be absorbed within 12-24 hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dad will have a test done 24, 48, and 72
hours after this procedure to track the dye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If the dye is still detectable they will be able to see how far, or not,
it has flowed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it’s completely
absorbed within the 12-24 hour time period, we may actually be able to rule out
hydrocephalus.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Dad will also undergo about 3-4 hours of psychological
evaluation to determine the level of memory and recall issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The information gained from this evaluation,
along with the lumbar puncture and cisternogram, they will then determine if he’s
a positive candidate for treatment for hydrocephalus.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Phew – ok – got it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s move on because
there will be a test at the end of this…ok just kidding but that would be kinda
cool just to see how much you were paying attention…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">So if Dad does have to have surgery to fix the problem he
will have a shunt placed in his head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
following is taken from the Columbia University Medical Center Department of
Neurosurgery and can be found here: </span><a href="http://www.columbianeurosurgery.org/conditions/adult-hydrocephalus/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">http://www.columbianeurosurgery.org/conditions/adult-hydrocephalus/</span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.8pt; margin: 0in 0in 14.25pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Ventricular shunt surgery:</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> If a patient’s
symptoms improve with spinal fluid drainage, a shunt surgery is offered to the
patient (and family). The goal of a shunt is to divert CSF into another region
of the body where it can be absorbed, such as the peritoneal (abdominal) cavity
or into a vein just above the heart. The shunt is a soft tube that is just over
2mm (less than 1/8 inch) in diameter. The synthetic shunt material is generally
very well tolerated by the human body. The entire shunt is implanted either
within the skull or under the skin. No components of the shunt are visible
outside of the body. Between the shunt catheter in the brain and the catheter
that goes to the abdomen or bloodstream, there is a one way valve that
regulates CSF flow through the shunt. If there is too much flow, the ventricles
will collapse and bleeding can occur. If there is too little flow, the
patient’s symptoms will not improve.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 16.8pt; margin: 0in 0in 14.25pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">…Shunt surgery is usually brief and safe. The shunt is implanted
under general anesthesia in a procedure that takes about an hour. A small hole
is made in the skull, and the membranes between the skull and brain are opened.
The brain end of the shunt is gently passed through the brain into the lateral
ventricle. The valve and abdominal (peritoneal) end is passed under the skin
and then implanted into the abdominal cavity through a small abdominal
incision. For venous shunts that are placed just above the heart, a
percutaneous, minimally invasive technique is used.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">We have several tests to get through and then, if he’s a
candidate for surgery, we’ll talk about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Our family and close friends will be asked to add their opinions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ultimate decision belongs to Dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His questions are the same as ours: what will
happen if I don’t do this, what will happen if I do this?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">If left untreated the pressure on the brain will eventually
build up to the point of causing severe mental and physical impairments; and
will eventually lead to nursing home care and death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>fifty-percent (50%) of patients will see improvement
in walking while only 8% will see changes in short term memory.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">So what’s the point?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
point is trying to figure out what will give Dad more of a quality of
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s the big question and no one
can really say for sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Dad’s response to me in the car once I reviewed with him
again what had just occurred in the doctors’ office:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I think I would rather be with Mom then have
surgery with only a 50/50 chance of getting better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And having the same outcome if nothing were
done.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has a point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It breaks my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What would you do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></div>ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-49359130419473622622012-06-19T12:34:00.000-05:002012-06-19T12:34:34.724-05:00<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Dad and I went to the doctors the other day, had some blood
work done and chatted with the doctor during our allotted 15 minute time
slot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I adore our doctor and Mom
especially adored him but I miss my former primary doctor, Dr. Glenn Toth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Appointments with him typically took 45
minutes as he took time to talk with you and then figure out how to get you
feeling better were you not so well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
wouldn’t simply medicate me and push me out the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He would explore diet, exercise, changes in
environment and stress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He would even
end the session with a prayer if you asked him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Our current doctor is what I call a factory model although as factory
models go he’s very good but I get the feeling that he is so rushed with all
that he has to accomplish that maybe he isn’t thinking clearly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then something out of the ordinary always
happens – at the end of the day, I get a call from him; checking in with us to
see if we had questions and to give us blood test results and any concerns that
may come up from them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He redeems
himself with that follow-up so much that I continue to see him.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">We’re going to see another neurologist for Dad and get a
CTScan of the brain to see what’s going on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His short term memory is failing quickly – too quickly for comfort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Surely there is some other issue at play here
than just a disease for which we have no cure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">I talked with the doctor about Dad’s inconsistency with
taking medications.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps you have a
loved one for who that is a problem as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Here’s what we first did:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">We purchased a weekly pill box, placed each day’s pills in
the proper day and set it on the counter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For months dad was consistent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then one day I noticed that, although it was Wednesday, Tuesday’s pills
were still in its place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I let it
slide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then a few days later I noticed
that, although the day was now Friday, Saturday pills were gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So at some point this week he didn’t know if
he took them or not, was confused as to the day of the week and just took them –
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not a good situation.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">During the last few months of Mom’s life she was on so much
medication that I had purchased plastic containers and wrote the day on them
and the times for each one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It worked
out well but the counter was full of containers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For Dad I decided something that I hope
works.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I placed the days’ pills in a
small, brown coin envelope and sealed it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I made thirty of these and put the day and the date on them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I showed Dad how to tell what day this
is by looking at his cell phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told
him that if the day doesn’t match any of the envelopes, that means he took his
pills.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I THINK he gets it – he told me, “great
– no date, no pills and the envelope has to match what’s on my phone”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>YES!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I’m following up with daily phone calls so that he remembers how it
goes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m nervous about it but I
honestly can’t see how it will fail – oh yeah – he can’t remember the process –
or he keeps looking at the calendar and figures it must be tomorrow and then
takes them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sad – and I can’t get a
nurse to come in for another month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">It is these types of issues that not only happen but the
rules keep changing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You never know what’s
going to happen when you arrive today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
find myself at his door each time pausing to breathe deep and say a quick
breath prayer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I knock and as I
turn the key I announce that it is me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Lord, thank you that my father remembers who I am and that
he trusts me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you for his
amazingly strong hugs each time I leave and thank you that he knows I’m here
for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you for the peace that
you have granted to him and continue to comfort him each time he realizes that
his earthly love has gone to be with you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And thank you for preparing the way for his arrival someday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amen.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span>ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-86550637608513602102012-06-07T21:51:00.002-05:002012-06-07T21:51:23.413-05:00A Moment and a Day with Dad<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday we talked on three different occasions about
today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would pick him up at 6:30 a.m.
and we would be running errands all day and bringing Rita to the groomer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was not to eat as we would go to breakfast
together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A note on his kitchen counter
and a phone call at 6:00 a.m.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Should be
enough reminders of the days’ events.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
show up and he’s eating his breakfast with no idea we’re going anywhere.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">After I remind him of our plans (choosing not to mention the
breakfast thing but making a mental note to myself to get something to eat so
my blood sugar doesn’t tank), he cleans up and is ready to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He tells Rita to behave while he’s gone and
he heads for the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I come up with a
quick, non-threatening way to remind him that Rita has a groomer
appointment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Oh yeah, that’s right”, he
quickly responds.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">His response for about two years was always an
epiphany.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like he knew it but
momentarily forgot about it, thankful for the reminder but acting as if he had
not forgotten it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom knew better before
any of us did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It began subtlety at first but grew in
frequency.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I’m fairly confident it
is merely a coping mechanism so as to avoid conflict or an inevitable feeling of
low self-esteem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter how hard he
tries and regardless of how well we act through the situation, he knows enough
of the truth and I can tell it wears on his assessment of self-worth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We talk in the car on the way to the vets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He asks several times, “Where’s Rita?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“In the back seat enjoying the ride”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Oh yeah, that’s right”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We continue our conversation – he talks about his childhood
home, the neighborhood, and the railroad tracks that ran behind their
house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He talks about hoping the train
as a young man to go to work in Boston and we compare that to our long drives
or walks just to get to the store in Montana.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He then talks about Florida and how much he wants to return – to the
Tallahassee area.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I gently remind him
that we are trying to relocate but it will be in the Dunedin area.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That always surprises him – even after we
have had this conversation countless times before, and will have it about five
times today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few moments of silence go
by, maybe ten, sometimes fifteen minutes, as we both watch the scenery go
by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Inevitably he will see something
through what I’ve come to call his ‘snow glasses’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’ll say, “I bet this hill must be closed
off in the winter time”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the same
hill each time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It used to drive Mom and
I a little crazy and I remember gazing in the rear view mirror to see Mom
smile, roll her eyes, and just lean forward to pat Dad on the shoulder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyXEZizamGdf2NBY5E10GsyWu67lYsrkQaNCRX6jzRVM3GaPKsBki5ZGyYh8trI09hjg7q5qy2Jx327CW-vyZ1_Qo-79JBwEN3Xzu2Rb4QWT2D5KQdDfwGsTj930TgPZEtFSC94yzw6BJW/s1600/2011-06-13_13-03-59_254.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyXEZizamGdf2NBY5E10GsyWu67lYsrkQaNCRX6jzRVM3GaPKsBki5ZGyYh8trI09hjg7q5qy2Jx327CW-vyZ1_Qo-79JBwEN3Xzu2Rb4QWT2D5KQdDfwGsTj930TgPZEtFSC94yzw6BJW/s200/2011-06-13_13-03-59_254.jpg" width="167" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We drop Rita off at the vets – the one Dad swears he’s never
been to before but where they all know his name, they all miss Mom, and they
greet us with huge smiles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the next
six hours, while Rita is being bathed, clipped, groomed, and a few needed
shots, Dad will mention several times that we should get home soon because Rita
may have to go out after being locked up in the house this long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart sinks every time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We stop for lunch at the same restaurant we stopped with
Mom. There’s a wonderful photo of the two of them, one of my favorite photos,
in that restaurant the day we found out Mom had cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom had grilled cheese, Dad had his BLT, and
I had breakfast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the same menu
for us today – sans grilled cheese, her amazing wit, and huge smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Twenty minutes later Dad has no recollection
of a restaurant, stopping for lunch, or eating a BLT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel Mom’s hand reach from the backseat to
pat my shoulder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All is still well with
my soul.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">My brother had called a few days earlier and tonight, after
he called again, Dad immediately called me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was all excited to ‘finally’ hear from Glen after several months of
him not being able to get through on the phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The same story when his brother, Uncle Keith, called from New Hampshire.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tomorrow he will have no recollection of
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When asked if he hears from his
brother or from Glen, he will ponder a bit and say, “I’m sure I have but I can’t
recall the last time I spoke with either one of them”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When pushed to consider how long, his
response ranges from a few weeks to several months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom – I need that pat on the shoulder again,
please…thanks.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">For those for whom it has, indeed, been awhile since
contact, it would seem to you up front that it doesn’t matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He won’t remember so why waste the time and
energy, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A poor, sad, and
self-serving excuse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The man is slipping
for those he speaks to every day as well as ones he doesn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I have to figure out if short-term memory loss is only hard
on those around the victim or if it’s also difficult for them. Dad knows he
occasionally forgets things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He will
openly tell you he’s never sure what day it is, what year or what month we’re
in…he’s just glad when it’s not snowing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But this type of loss is devastating to those around him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes life more difficult and
challenging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Creativity AND patience
absolutely must go hand-in-hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think
that is why so many people will avoid being around Alzheimer’s patients. They
lack creativity and patience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are
not capable of swallowing that initial, “UGG” upon hearing something for the
fifth time in an hour and they lack the creativity to pretend they are hearing
it for the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some try but fail
miserably and the patient knows something is wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can actually see them quickly retreat into
their mind to figure out if they just said something wrong, offended someone,
or…well, who really knows where they go, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But when people say things like, “maybe its for the best” I stop and
ask, “best for whom?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seriously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Best for who, that the one you love has no
idea he just had a wonderful lunch with you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Best for who, that he struggles with this and probably internalizes most
of it which actually only serves to feed the disease even more?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not best for them – they are forgetting
and forgetting is not synonymous with abundant blessings and the grace of
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Best for us?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it’s best for us – then why aren’t “us”
spending more quality time with them?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We are losing Dad. Those of you who know him and have had personal,
meaningful moments in your life with this man are losing him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope you are not losing out on the
opportunity to continue knowing this man even in light of this disease.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every day that goes by that we decide not to
visit, not to call, not to write him – is a day lost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We will never have that day back again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom taught us all through our lives and
especially in the last couple of weeks of her life, that every single moment is
a treasure that you need to save and store in your heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You need to treat the moment with respect and
be thankful to God for allowing us the opportunity to embrace every moment and
one another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When Mom told me, upon her
death bed, “Kurt, how is it possible that I am loved so much?” it moved me like
nothing else ever has.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For in that
moment I realized that Mom has received the greatest gift one could receive in
this life – that at the final hours of our life on earth, we leave with
absolutely no doubt that we were cared for, and loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We highlighted our day today but doing something that brought both of us some tremendous joy. We remembered all those who cared for Mom and for those of us who sat with Mom through chemo and radiation. We brought cookies to radiology/oncology, and medical oncology today. We were greeted with warm smiles and we shared stories of Mom and talked about what a powerful impact she made on our lives. It was good. Dad and I talked about how it felt to walk those halls without Mom. We shared a few tears but mostly we smiled, and knew that Mom would approve because we were going out of our way to let someone know how much they are appreciated, respected and loved.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii1-N4nhyf6_U_LPM_5PbhIisut0nF6EDxhV3lweHuqIwe6SP8mfgYVIlIxL3xbdqXxH3keFnZOzYCpfDiqDKQzIrwlry9PDORy54N3tuBp_UV-5HC47PsFpj6hS2LLydpAehU9ddRtcHE/s1600/GEDC0694.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii1-N4nhyf6_U_LPM_5PbhIisut0nF6EDxhV3lweHuqIwe6SP8mfgYVIlIxL3xbdqXxH3keFnZOzYCpfDiqDKQzIrwlry9PDORy54N3tuBp_UV-5HC47PsFpj6hS2LLydpAehU9ddRtcHE/s320/GEDC0694.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Don’t allow this moment, right now, right here – to slip
away unnoticed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t allow any one
person in your life leave this world today without knowing, beyond a shadow of
a doubt, how much they are cared for, respected, adored and LOVED.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The missed opportunity today could be your
last chance.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</span></div>ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-46263037913800180692012-05-14T14:49:00.002-05:002012-05-14T14:49:24.414-05:00Mother's Day<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My daily visit with Dad went well today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He seems to be managing and coping well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talked about my difficulty in coming to
the apartment and how, most times, I leave and find myself crying when I get to
my car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The memories for me in that
apartment are difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dad said it was
the opposite for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although some
aspects are painful, of course; he feels comfortable there because he has great
memories with Mom in that space even though it was where she got so sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He remembers the paramedics taking her out
for the last time, and he says when he starts to think about the hard memories,
he looks at her picture and smiles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
sees her photo next to her mom and dad’s and is happy for her, that she is with
them now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is still anxious about the
idea of living 20-30 years with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
cannot stand that thought but he’s not going to do anything to join her in a
hurry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He knows when it’s his time, he
will go and be with her. We talked about Mother's Day and he said, "yep...first one without her. Very difficult".</span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We talked about the idea of moving and he’s very open to
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The winters are hard for him and he
does not like the long, cold winters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
worries a lot if he has to ride in a car in the snow and he would prefer to be
in warmer climate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m very thankful he
feels that way because I also want to be in warmer client.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So we decided today to try and figure out how we can move
all three of us to Florida.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We will pray
about this and explore all our options.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ideally we would be ready by October 1 as his lease ends September 30<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can get out of our lease at any time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I enjoy conversing with Dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A lot of people do not engage him because, at first, his responses are
short.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He rarely starts a conversation
but if you go in to it with planned things to say you can be really
surprised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alzheimer’s robs the
memories, not the present moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the
disease progresses the erased/inaccessible memories will begin to impede what
happens in the current, the present.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our
access to our memories is what we call upon in our daily communications, in our
daily activities, and in our dealings with other people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As those are compromised, I understand the
difficulties will increase.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray, as
I’m sure most people do in my position that Dad’s memory of who I am will never
fail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although it’s difficult, I cannot
guarantee that he will always remember who Mom is but if I had to set money on
it, I believe he will never forget.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her
fingerprint permeates every circuit in his brain and memory and I trust her
presence will always be with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br />Sunday was, of course, Mother’s Day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The day has now turned somewhat painful in light of having Mom in heaven, not here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I chose to try and focus on all the things around me that Mom would have seen and taken in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The last couple of years of her life she had a profound appreciation for nature and the changing of the seasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On a spring drive she once commented that she sees things totally different than before, and that colors even seemed more brilliant to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I looked for that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And found it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks Mom, for opening my eyes even wider than they were before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss you and love you dearly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dad is doing really well and we’re keeping a close eye on him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All his needs are met, his groceries are bought although he is probably eating way to many sandwiches.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s slowly changing though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just give him a little time to adjust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He misses you and loves you so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But you know that. so enjoy the images that I saw and thought of you, Mom. Happy Mother's Day!</span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzjY_MleIUolt_aq8AQOXkRi7s0mysaX84KreB0SuoIAUCKoxFIx5n4AK-SfWcjhOvOI0H3VNK80YusEnGqTkhyphenhyphenh8RD0pnb3SPcWk-dRhjQ5q6sbA6eg-0g9oLXMOWZksCWPcOtRnjfDXY/s1600/for+mom+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzjY_MleIUolt_aq8AQOXkRi7s0mysaX84KreB0SuoIAUCKoxFIx5n4AK-SfWcjhOvOI0H3VNK80YusEnGqTkhyphenhyphenh8RD0pnb3SPcWk-dRhjQ5q6sbA6eg-0g9oLXMOWZksCWPcOtRnjfDXY/s320/for+mom+1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">For you, Mom, I watched ducks on the water, and the fish swimming</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAXpMy4nTrt0Ykenxhjah-51H9dIl7dt-rSkrh_Qfn1uG-vdl22YzltHZskpzz3dqqbqkm0h9I1cyQl-r1Uebz7xYTwOJfctwtIX2c0RSWsAISilk8DOTHDUg098jI4PqwRgja73bDUHvn/s1600/for+mom+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAXpMy4nTrt0Ykenxhjah-51H9dIl7dt-rSkrh_Qfn1uG-vdl22YzltHZskpzz3dqqbqkm0h9I1cyQl-r1Uebz7xYTwOJfctwtIX2c0RSWsAISilk8DOTHDUg098jI4PqwRgja73bDUHvn/s320/for+mom+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I spent time thanking God for you, Mom, which I try to do every day</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkretyoDy7HW9Z1qsSUbhiFLch_v_UQqjQ8lUu3U-c5oghzNOoewIKgtTzSPui3PWo2ysoqe0ngNh7axu3rb7vW5Yjw0uqzY5WOuT4canZVh-Yc-qgNvvPDKqic_G9x6RwTKgM17Pj9yhU/s1600/for+mom+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkretyoDy7HW9Z1qsSUbhiFLch_v_UQqjQ8lUu3U-c5oghzNOoewIKgtTzSPui3PWo2ysoqe0ngNh7axu3rb7vW5Yjw0uqzY5WOuT4canZVh-Yc-qgNvvPDKqic_G9x6RwTKgM17Pj9yhU/s320/for+mom+3.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You helped me see beauty in simple things<br />you would have seen the elephant picking up<br />the large branch on the ground - do you see it, too?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidWPb6PS3datt5HDiGORUbSuCV3dhXYvJRoqOzelcd_xlvelxIrOruqID7cS-e4NQ-VSqe8APxNBliniY9fA5UOv9WIvjw6-Y21zD1VNm_DnDsPBIGtL6ouHGgXMFnb2OeMAJR3rr2-Y4C/s1600/for+mom+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidWPb6PS3datt5HDiGORUbSuCV3dhXYvJRoqOzelcd_xlvelxIrOruqID7cS-e4NQ-VSqe8APxNBliniY9fA5UOv9WIvjw6-Y21zD1VNm_DnDsPBIGtL6ouHGgXMFnb2OeMAJR3rr2-Y4C/s320/for+mom+4.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You loved the flowering trees</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK2L2dLcTSSHr1zaV6vxprzxLGaZR9BfjOfBAmEH6HZrQen1M7ftWm3WW4pyUsE31ewsRrBNE4RfPqPcnRXFb7OBB0i4ShF5HHQ_j__QMbJ2oF6bNts9nKKjaVDt6F_QBmiP8SBTNI0qTN/s1600/for+mom+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK2L2dLcTSSHr1zaV6vxprzxLGaZR9BfjOfBAmEH6HZrQen1M7ftWm3WW4pyUsE31ewsRrBNE4RfPqPcnRXFb7OBB0i4ShF5HHQ_j__QMbJ2oF6bNts9nKKjaVDt6F_QBmiP8SBTNI0qTN/s320/for+mom+5.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">and among the dead leaves and branches - life still emerges!</td></tr>
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<br /></div>ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-10716113492295145762012-04-29T12:42:00.001-05:002012-04-29T12:42:43.920-05:00Ethical Training<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It has been a challenging week around here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dad received some upsetting news and although
we won’t talk specifically about it, I want to talk about how he is handling
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My Dad’s parents seemed to be extremely patient individuals,
even-mannered as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s not to say
they didn’t get upset or emotional. I recall a few times when Grandma or
Grandpa would get upset about certain issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But they had a unique ability to turn even the most negative experiences
in to something positive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were masters
at extrapolating goodness from almost any scenario.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned that ability from them and from my
father and his brother, my Uncle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
this same character that Dad is now emulating in his response to something that
would get most people riled up and ready for war.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He spoke to me of his initial response which
was to cut off all persons associated with this news and move on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then he decided to not discuss the issue unless
it is brought up – at which time the associated person(s) would meet a consequence
of rather huge proportion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dad would cut
them off completely.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am proud of my Dad for his response even as I struggle
with my response.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In his wise words he
said to me, “We know the truth”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Marcus
Aurelius wrote, “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we
see is a perspective, not the truth.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Both Mom and Dad taught me that there are two sides to every story and
the truth lies somewhere in the middle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is only when both sides understand this that true reconciliation can
occur.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It comes down to making positive
ethical choices.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are two ways to think about individual ethical
decision making—the prescriptive approach and the descriptive approach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The prescriptive approach is the way we think
about making those ethical choices in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Descriptive approach offers decision-making tools that prescribe your
decision based on your moral agent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
asks the thinker to carefully consider and get the most out of our ethical
decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The descriptive approach is a
little less perfect in nature in that the choices are typically made with
cognitive biases that usually keep us from making the best decisions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most decisions that are ethical in nature are
relatively easy to make because we have a built-in system of what is right vs.
wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The issue is when you have to
choose between two alternatives that are equally distasteful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Its difficulty lies in the fact that there
are several important rights or values or even obligations to consider and
sometimes you may feel like you are caught in a no-win situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My father taught me an amazing tool to make ethical
decisions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When faced with a difficult
decision that is descriptive in nature, simply take a piece of paper with a
line down the middle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Choose a decision
and write that on the top of the paper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On
one side write all the positive consequences and negative ones, write on the other
side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do this for each possible
decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will outline and give you a
visual understanding of the situation and will help you make the best,
intelligent, moral-centered decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
has worked wonderfully for me over the years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My father is an amazing man with a capacity to love beyond
words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His love for mom continues to
this day and is a vital part of his day-to-day activities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His love is based on what is morally right in
his heart and head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He carefully weighs
every decision and has rarely been known to make sudden and not thought-through
decisions (although I’m told that in his youth that was not the case).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also taught us to carefully weigh the consequences
of every single action we make.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His way
of saying it was this:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Don’t ever do
something you would not want to be caught dead doing”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you think about it, that’s a pretty
powerful description.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We read about
movie stars who die doing things they really didn’t want us knowing they
did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It completely taints their image
and forever rules any publicity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>David
Carradine – case in point.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So this week many of us in our immediate family were called
upon, involuntarily, to make a tough ethical decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each of us will make our own decision based
on our biases, experiences, wants, needs and desires.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We make them based on our understanding of
situations and our foresight of consequences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Some of us will follow Dad’s lead while others may not make the same
decision will still base it on the many lessons we have learned from this
amazing man of character and faith.<o:p></o:p></span></div>ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3636333269707754338.post-52540442391840704632012-04-20T22:43:00.002-05:002012-04-20T22:43:18.400-05:00Another Day of Surprises<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">About a year ago I vividly remember Dad’s apprehension to talking on the cell phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He just did not like it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He would not make calls on it and would not answer it. That was mom’s department.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, he hated talking on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think Mom would be very proud of him right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only is he making phone calls when he needs to (I put my number on speed dial) but he actually likes talking on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got a new phone plan and Robb gave him one of his phones and he adjusted with no problems at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, sometimes he calls me several times a day!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’ll call and tell me he’s running low on milk or that he needs toothpaste.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Occasionally he calls back because he can’t remember if he asked me or not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t make a deal of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">I visit almost every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I take the occasional day off because I know that I need to in order to help my emotional health.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it really is no big deal to stop by and visit for a while. Sometimes it is only for ten minutes and other times a few hours. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first thing that happens when I walk in is that Rita goes absolutely insane!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to make my way to the couch and get on the floor. She uses me to climb up on to the couch (she’s too short to make the jump herself) and then she goes nuts for about ten minutes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It does the heart well, for sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I get up and hug Dad.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday was a shocking day for me and I’m still processing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dad took of his wedding ring and put one of his Navy rings in its place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart sunk to my ankles but I didn’t let on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I simply said to Dad, “that must have been a hard decision” to which he responded, “yes it was”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure that the reason he took it off was that it was just too painful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To always have it on your hand to remind you that your wife is gone has to be a tremendous burden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So we talked about it for a while and then moved on to other subjects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not sure yet how to process that but I’ll make sure to bring it up to my therapist!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">I think Dad is getting bored.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll be working on getting him some social opportunities next week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it would be good for him to be among other people even if it is something as simple as having a cup of coffee. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Dad is ready to move back to Florida.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had this conversation with Mom and she totally approved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>HE is ready to leave the winters and the cold weather behind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He really wants to move back to Tallahassee but he has the image of the place 15 years ago and it has changed since then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wants to be a part of the Older-American Program through the Forest Service but fails to remember that they stopped that program many years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is fine with moving back to the Clearwater area which is where we have our sights set on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Just as long as we can get away from the hurricanes”, Dad reminds me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He doesn’t remember we stayed through five of them over the years we were there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">We talk about Mom every time I go over there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes he has something that belonged to her and he wants to get it out of the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is something I don’t understand but it is not my place to question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It feels strange getting rid of stuff but it must be uncomfortable for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took some coats she had including the last one she wore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I walked down the hall away from his apartment, holding them in my arms, I planted my face in them and breathed in deep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The tears started immediately – it smelled just like Mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wondered if Dad did the same thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder how he feels in that place where she was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He won’t talk about it much but he says he misses her every moment of the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">What hurts is that there are so many small moments, seemingly unimportant in the grand scheme of life, that are heart-breakers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll notice an item is moved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The bedroom furniture was re-arranged, and some art work exchanged on the walls. He’s making the space his own so he feels comfortable.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">I have noticed an on-going issue with people around him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suppose it is common with Alzheimer’s patients.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are not sure what to talk about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For some reason there is a hesitation and a down-right fear of engaging him in casual conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He will rarely start the conversation but once you get going he does become engaged and involved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is just that people are afraid to start it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The thing is – you can have the same conversation with him today as you did three days ago because he doesn’t recall it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That sounds cruel but if you use that as the starting point for conversation, somewhere in his mind that conversation is sparking interest in his brain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His brain remembers it but he can’t recall it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it engages him – it sparks his interest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Dear Lord, what will the next surprise be?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Help me face the future with courage and a smile, even in the midst of this great unknown disease.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Help me remember that you are with me today, tomorrow, and always.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amen.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
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</div><span style="font-size: large;"></span>ORCVirtualhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04519916870697672967noreply@blogger.com0