Tuesday, July 13, 2010

July 13, 2010

Satchel Paige once said, “You win some, you lose some, and some get rained out; but you have to suit up for them all.” Interestingly enough this quote is often attributed to J. Askenberg but it was Satchel that originally said it.

Well today it felt like a little bit of losing and some rain but we all suited up and hit it anyway. First stop at 7:30 this morning was the dermatologist concerning Dad’s skin cancer. The good news is – they got it all. The doctor was very happy with how we have been caring for the wound and we need to continue that for the next couple of weeks. Then Dad needs to get checked every 6 months because once you have skin cancer, it likes to reappear in other places.

Then it was off to the hospital. We chatted with the nice lady at the reception desk for awhile and then went to sit in the coffee shop as we were pretty early for chemo. I had a juice, dad had his coffee, and mom had a bottle of water. It truly is amazing that she’s still able to swallow down water and a majority of any medications. She’s doing great.

As the day progressed things started going downhill. The neck was hurting pretty bad and right now it’s starting to look like a 3rd degree burn. The goal this week is not for the light-stomach people. The goal is to get through to Friday afternoon without her neck blistering to the point where some of them are open. Once the blisters open, the radiation has to stop. We’re so very close so we’re treating her neck as often as we can. She’s keeping it very moist with creams from the doctor.
We had the opportunity to talk to some nurses today and I asked the nurse down in the reception area of the radiology clinic how she copes seeing so much pain walk in to the office every day. She says that some days they don’t cope well and that some days the take it home with them. How can you not? But they all comment on the tremendous support group that mom has. Her daily care is what’s getting her through this. There are days when mom doesn’t want to be bothered with getting a tube feeding but I have to tell her to just lay in her chair and think of something else while I feed her. As long as it’s my watch – she is going to drink water and take in at least 6 cans of nutrition a day until this is completely done. And it’s working. The care on top of her desire is what’s driving her.

Those of you who have known me for more than 20 years will recognize how I’m going to end this. I may have already quoted this in the blog earlier on and if so, it bears repeating.

There is a song by the Christian recording artist, Carmen, that says:
Your desire is a confirmation.
Your destination is there.
God wouldn’t have put it in your spirit,
If it wasn’t going no where.
So set your sights on the promises,
And don’t be scared.
Because your desire is a confirmation...your destination is there.

I'm almost to the finish line. So tired – thirsty – my sides hurt and feet are burning in to the asphalt. The sun is baking my forehead and i'm afraid if I touch it, the skin will peel right off. The sweat is stinging my eyes and I find myself crying, whimpering...I fall to the ground and the gravel and dirt get lodged in to my knees, the palms of my hands and under my fingernails. I think at any minute I’ll swallow my tongue and it will be over. I see no one –I hear nothing – I feel nothing but pain. I KNOW the finish line is there but I can’t see it. come on - where is it?? Is that blood I'm tasting? Surely it's from my lungs..it has to be, they are hurting so bad. With every pound of my foot on the ground my knee begs to buckle. My whole body has put in multiple requests to shut down. Maybe I need to honor their request...where is that d*** finish line!! Oh no - stomach cramps...that can only be really bad news...I swear my heart is pounding so hard it’s not only going to explode, but it’s going to come shooting through my chest like an unstrapped victim of some horrible car accident. . What am i doing? I've been abusing my body. I'm done. let's start to approve my bodys' request for all systems to begin shutting down ...wait, what's that...DESTINATION IN RANGE... but what if I get there and they tell me that the race is not over and I have to keep going? There’s just no way I can run again... Maybe if i don’t cross the finish line that would be better. I'll just fall over now --- Do this AGAIN? What are you crazy? You have to be kidding me...why would I do it over again, I’ve done my job, I’ve run this freakin’ race, followed all the stupid rules...wait...no one said I WILL have to keep running...it’s just a possibility...maybe it’s not a run but now a slow jog or better yet, a comfortable walk...I think I will reach my destination and finish this race but I suppose after that I'll have a new destination to reach. This bizarre desire I have to beat this and cross the finish line - maybe that really is the Holy Spirit telling me that my destination - my finish line - my victory - my moment that I can yell I DID IT...is right around the corner.
The breeze picked up a bit, didn't it? Did you feel that? And I think my feet are numb cause I can't feel much down there ---- SLAP...ah yes...the breaking of the finish line tape...now THAT'S a destination worth fighting for...just...a...few....more....steps....

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