Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Continued Blessings

I have to look at the nurses' board to remember what day it is...time seems like somethiing from star trek, slow and, if this makes any sense, thick.

We often hear of people saying things like, I wonder if he knew how much he was loved. Or, do you think she was aware of things around her. Or, I wish I would have been there...what a blessing beyond words that mom knows how much she is loved. Two days ago, while having another alone time with her, she said to me, 'how is it that i all these people are loving me and that i can feel it right now...what did i do to deserve it?"...I told her that she gave all her life and now she is receiving.

We talk about the family that has been here every day, the uncle that flew out from new hampshire to be with us and at her side for severald days, the stranger who brought flowers and breakfast for all of us, the lady across the hall who continually prays for mom, the family in montana who have called mom and dad among their best friends for so many years and whose tears are being heard at moms bedside, and the young couple who just arrived with his own mother, who reached out to me with hugs when they found me in the lounge crying. There is so much love and MOM KNOWS IT. That is the grace and mercy of our Lord. There are biological reasons for all of this but let us not forget that God works through all things and even now He is working in and through mom to reach and touch lives.

So you need to know that mom still has her amazing sense of humor. A few stories to share.

We all were gathered around her bedside two days ago, praying and quietly crying, for some reason thinking that she was on her way out. Suddenly she opens her eyes and starts to move a bit, she looks around the room and says, "what is this, a funeral or something?" the laughter erupted as did hers.

Another blessing is that anything personal that has been happening to mom through this process has not occured in the presence of the larger family.  This morning she experienced some issues but i was right there and nurse was about to bathe her. I told her no one else knows but me and the nurse and she mouthed, "good.  Thank you"

i am aware that I may not be letting go enough for mom to leave.  People who love me are saying I should go home for a bit and freshen up and rest but I am not able.  I cannot leave but am committed today to spending more time walking around, in the waiting room and even outside for a bit.  I pray that I'm not the reason she is staying around or unable to cross over.  She is pleased that Dad went home for awhile, she is pleased that Terri went home for awhile to care for her kids and I will tell her I'm leaving for a bit to do some work - that will please her.  And I continue to pray to God that I have the strength to give her to relinquish my role as caregiver and allow the doors of heaven to open for her. 

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